Amateur Football Alliance

Southern Amateur League

Fifth XI

Old Owens 2 Winchmore Hill 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two North
Saturday 3 April

After Saturday’s near miss/reverse against a spirited and youthful Hill 6XI, the 5s made the trip to Cooper’s lane looking to achieve the double over Owens 5’s after a 1-0 win in the home fixture at Firs Farm.  With a rare opportunity to play on Owens main pitch, the visitors were a much changed side from the 6’s game due to the unavailability of Prosser, Bush, Bowden, Suddell, Golding, Wilkins, McLaughlin, Kerridge, Richards, Evans, Goldring and Fisher.  With Millard having been ill all night, it was touch and go whether or not he could make it, but thankfully the giant in the 5’s goal made it for the match.

Also in for the purple crusaders were Nick ‘Evergreen’ Watts, making a welcome return from Vets duty, Glenn and Mark Haslam AKA ‘Hotshot’ and ‘The Kid’.  

Skipper Kelly reverted to a 4-4-2 formation with Mark Turner and Jordan ‘Katie Price’ Williams playing as right and left backs respectively, while Evergreen Watts and Piglet Millar filled the centre of defence.  Andy Omand started wide right with Ryan and ‘The Kid’ in the middle and ‘Hotshot’ Haslam wide left.  Terry ‘Rooney’ Foskett was paired up front with Carl ‘Our Saviour’ Steward who had been resurrected to the starting line up after being crucified by the boys on Saturday.  Chris ‘Chappers’ Chapman was on the line.

The match kicked off at a brisk pace after a short ‘Piglet’ warm-up, and a promising opening 5 minutes from the purple warriors culminated in an excellent Rooney cross which found an unmarked ‘Saviour’ in the box with his back to goal.  However, Carl could only spin around and put his shot over the bar, when we were all praying that he could have come up with a miracle strike.  This sparked Owens into life and they applied some heavy pressure to Prosser’s Purple wonders, probing both flanks and testing the back line with some mazy runs from ex-Winchmore lad James Edwards and his fellow forward.  ‘Piglet’ and ‘Evergreen’ kept them at bay, with Mark T and ‘Katie’ mopping up behind them.  In fact, this was to turn out to be ‘Katie’s’ best game of the season so far in a purple shirt, as a combination of excellent defending and true attacking flair, while linking up with ‘Hotshot’ Haslam, were to provide our best moments of the 1^st half.   

Between them and ‘The Kid’ in midfield, the 5’s played some lovely possession football, with ‘Rooney’, ‘Hotshot’, ‘Our Saviour’ and ‘The Kid’ all being released down the left hand side to provide some splendid crosses for Damo to nod past the huge Owens keeper.  Unfortunately Damo wasn’t playing so most were cleared for a corner which we just couldn’t capitalise on.

Then disaster struck.  A seemingly innocuous highball was punted between Andy O and Mark T on our right hand side.  Andy was ahead of the ball expecting Mark to knock it forward and Mark expected Andy to nod it back.  None of these things happened and the Owens winger nipped in to steal the ball before threading a pass to their forward who beat Jamie with a far post cross.  0-1 down, especially after such a fine start by us.

Still, Prosser’s warriors are made of stern stuff this season and took the game right back to Owens.  We were level within 2 minutes when a fine ball from the svelte looking skipper turned the Owens left back who could only knock the ball out for a throw.  Up stepped ‘Our Saviour’ who hurled the ball with biblical strength into the Owens box where Ryan got the faintest of touches to knock it onto ‘Rooney’.  In true ‘Rooney’ fashion, and with his back to goal, Terry swivelled from 16 yards out and smashed the ball into the top right hand corner of the net to equalise.

This brought a sustained period of pressure from the purple ball bashers, and apart from the odd break away by Owens, Millard was never troubled.  The Hill were to rue the fact they didn’t capitalise on this dominance later in the match, but as the half-time whistle went, the feeling was that the game was there for us to take.

The second half started with a statement of intent from the Owens lads, who immediately went close with a couple of good chances.  However, the Hill weathered the storm and worked hard to get hold of the ball, which wasn’t easy as Owens were playing some good football and exploiting every opportunity they could to put out back line under pressure.  To their credit, the boys did well, and special mention must be made of Stevie Millar, who playing in his second match as converted centre half, was outstanding.  Millar has had a topsy-turvy season due to availability issues and running more marathons than Eddie Izzard, but his commitment, tackling and attitude were second to none in this match, ably supported by ‘Fitter than Daley Thompson’ Watts.

Owens continued to press, but Prosser’s purple pan handles looked dangerous on the break with ‘Rooney’ twice crossing for ‘Our Saviour’ who could only fire over the bar from close range.  The whole team were surprised by this as everyone knows that he can walk on water, and a tap in from 6 yards must surely be easier than feeding the 5000?

Then, after 2 Owens corners in quick succession, the home sides pressure paid off, with Jamie unfortunately pushing a deep corner into his own net as he was stretching to get it away.  This brought a response from boys in purple, who desperately tried to get back at Owens throwing everything at them.  Andy Omand beat his man on the half way line and was away from his marker until said marker cynically hacked him down, injuring him in the process.  After a warning for the Owens player from the referee, who was outstanding in this match, Andy tried to carry on, but looked laboured as a result of the tackle and ‘Chappers’ replaced him on the right.

Further chances came for both sides, with Owens looking to counter the Hill as we pushed forward, but some great last ditch tackles from both ‘Piglet’ and ‘Katie’, the latter being the ‘tackle of the season’, kept Jamie relatively untroubled.  ‘Chappers’ looked lively with ‘Rooney’ down the right, but all appeared to be in vain until a free kick, deep into injury time on the edge of the Owens box, brought a glimmer of hope.  Jordan lined up his kick and struck a fizzing shot goal ward, which went wide of the far post by millimetres.  With that, the final whistle went and the points were lost.

A final word must go to the match referee, Ian Breeze.  You had a terrific match, and your match and player management were second to none.  Thank you.

Winchmore Hill v Winchmore Hill 6s
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two North
Saturday 20 February

The scene was set. A carpet of a pitch…(all be it a shag pile)…the home of football……(or not as the game was moved to Firs Farm)…….The greatest Football club in the world…(The Hill).. divided….(that means split up).

Few matches whet the appetite quite like Winchmore Hill 5s vs 6s and a lot has been said this season about the 6s and their captain. His name is Luca…he lives on the second floor. He lives upstairs from me.

But were the 6s the real deal? Would confidence be low for the 5s after dropping points at home to the Olympic Moaners? And with George Michael stating last week that he was mortified and incredibly embarrassed by the big earrings he wore in the 80’s while with Wham, does that make being caught having sex with a tramp in the back of a van seem not so bad?

All would be revealed on Sat 20^th February. Recent results have left the 5s hanging worryingly (like Ryan Kelly’s 5skin) and only a win would do. For the 6s a win would take the team (that’s keeping loads of players back within the club who should play higher)...…further up the table.

Well the team were certainly up for this one. Sadly ET Tarrantino had flown away to Canada on his Bike and Paul Simpkins was playing football for his beloved Copperfield in an attempt to make his Varicose veins disappear. This meant a new forward line for the Purple headed T-Bone Tommy guns.

Prosser was intent on grabbing all 3 points this week so had responded to the spam mail from Sandra@limpbuiscuit.com. She had not only guaranteed with her little blue pills to add a few inches, but to also give him a 15 hour diamond cutter. The first half kicked off at a lethargic pace and was slower than Douglas Bader’s attempt at the three legged school parent’s race. Neither keeper really had a touch of the ball and the half ended as it had began…at the sh*thole Firs Farm.

This brought a rousing half time talk from Prosser who tried to get the youthful hunger back into the team by reciting the children’s rhyme about his friend Billy. According to Prosser, his mate Billy had a 10 foot willy and he showed it to the lady next door. She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake and now it’s only 4ft four. This however brought additional debate to the dressing room as questions were asked as to whether Billy’s genitals could still function at 4ft 4. While the general consensus was it was still quite a size, most felt it was largely useless without a helmet. Millar righty questioned how it could have been severed by a rake, as being pronged it, would have punctured rather than severed Billy’s member. Prosser countered that it may have been struck several times but this cut no ice with the rest of the team particularly Guy ‘Kavanagh QC’ Bowden. Bowden stated that while Billy’s skin trombone was 10ft, it must have been less than a centimetre wide if one strike from the next door neighbour s rake was enough to do the damage. Kelly then took a quick glance down his own shorts and asked whether any of the discarded member was just foreskin.

When the referee came to tell the team that the 6s had taken the kickoff without them and the 5s had a goal kick even he became sucked into the now heated debate. He not only questioned Billy’s existence, but why on earth he would have shown the lady next door his appendage anyway. 10 minutes passed when Kieran from the 5’s came to see where everyone was. He had the final word in the whole affair stating that there are no snakes in England that size…or pink for that matter…and that there was 10 minute left of the match and we should take our goal kick.

This set up a grandstand finish as the 5’s attacked relentlessly laying the 6s goal Under Siege.

Under Siege 2 (Dark Territory) was made in 1995 and centered around the unlikely premise that Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal) has retired from the Navy and is a chef at the Mile High Cafe in Denver, Colorado. Ryback is taking his estranged niece Sarah Ryback to Los Angeles to visit the grave of her father (Ryback's brother) They board a train traveling through the Rocky Mountains from Denver to Los Angeles. Realistically as the train proceeds through the Rockies, two people wave it down. Like any good train driver would do he stops the train, gets out with his engineer for a chat and are both then  killed. A group of mercenaries led by computer genius Travis Dane (Eric Bogosian) and mercenary leader Penn (McGill) hijack the train.

The usual Seagal fun ensues where he beats the life out of everyone who comes across him culminating in one of films great one-sided fights. After Penn takes Sarah as bait for Ryback, Ryback confronts Penn. Penn is aware of Ryback’s military past but still decides to have it out with him man to man. After having his knife disarmed you can slowly see Penn’s confidence of winning the fight drain with every blow that rains down on him. Battered like a bit of Chip shop Cod, Penn is dispatched having registered barely one kick on Seagal. The full scene can be viewed using the below link.
http://www.youtube.com/watchv=UAWhiuJf_Y0   

Basically, the baddies get stopped, the goodies make a dramatic helicopter escape, The pentagon is saved, the grave gets visited and this film went straight to landfill.

Kerridge had one final chance to sew the game up and grab the 3 points but he slipped onto his bottom while trying to connect to McLaughlin’s cross. Incidentally a bloke from Barnsley with a sore backside pops into the chemist and asks the cashier "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"……..The Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?" (Readers voice…’Dear god’).

The referee then looked at his watch and blew up to end the stalemate. A point was really no good for either side but now the game was over, both sets of players could become friends again and head back to the club for a couple of overpriced beers.

Or they would have done if any of the above actually took place. It didn’t because the game was called off on the Friday afternoon.

Winchmore Hill 3 Southgate Olympic 3
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two North
Saturday 13 February

After losing rather unfortunately the previous week to title chasing Old Owens we thought it wouldn’t be possible to play against a more verbal side. We were wrong. An aging outfit, Southgate Olympic seemed to have seen more action than Ashley Cole’s camera phone and were moaning from the moment they arrived at Fortress Firs.

However the omens looked good for the Hill when the pre-match talk was dominated by Damien ‘Lovechild of Quentin Tarrantino and ET’ Bush and Paul ‘Delbert’ Wilkins discussing their vericose veins…The boys were clearly up for this one.

Despite the buoyant mood, Winchmore were out of the blocks slower than Stephen Hawking in the 100 metres and the first 10 minutes saw pressure from the away side. The mighty Hill were emptier than John Terry’s testicles and had to weather the early storm from Olympic.

Then the Purple headed Gammon Gatling Guns started to dominate the match forging chance after chance on the away goal. Great chances fell to Wilkins and ET Tarrantino but both couldn’t quite convert leaving the home side bluer than their veins.

Ironically it was the away side who struck first when a comedy of errors let their striker in to head home. Millard in goal came out to punch a cross clear but Bowden stopped him in his tracks. While the ball was in the air, Bowden asked him to sniff the flower on his colourful jacket. When Millard did as he was asked the flower squirted the Hill keeper in the face with what appeared to be an ink like substance. Kerridge responded by throwing a bucket of confetti over the Winchmore Hill Centre back while the ball pinged around the Hill area. Hill hadn’t cleared the danger when Neil Prosser attempted to drive his small exploding car into the area. Sadly for Prosser the doors fell off and when he tried to replace them he was hit in the face with a custard pie from Stefan ‘Carrie’ Fisher . 1.0 To the camera phones.

The Hill responded with a flurry of attacks on the right hand side and almost leveled when Wilkins’ Cross landed flush onto the forehead of ET Tarrantino. Sadly for the Hill the stupid Basterd headed against the crossbar and Olympic Cleared again. The ball went straight up the other end and after a mix up between the Hill Keeper and Prosser (who sadly injured his urethra in the process) the Southgate striker stroked the ball home. 2.0 Southgate.

The damage could have been worse as Olympic countered again after another Hill attack broke down.  This time the ball fell to the Southgate winger whose excellent effort was expertly tipped over by the Millard's Fingertips.

‘Fingertips’ was undoubtedly the highlight of progressive Rock group Camel’s 10^th studio album ‘Stationary Traveller. Formed in Cantebury in 1971 Camel were always viewed as one of Britain’s best yet underrated Prog Rock artists. After ‘Stationary Traveller’ Camel disappeared without trace as far as the public was concerned. Founding member Andy Latimer finished his contract with Decca Records and Camel were unable to attract any other British record labels. Camel had the hump for years about this but after the lawsuit ended they returned with their 1991 album Dust and Dreams which not only received mixed reviews, but is ironically gathering dust in most charity shops.

No one knows why the band changed their name to ‘Camel ‘ (from ‘The brew’ in 1971) but the average life expectancy of a camel is between 40 to 50 years. A fully grown adult camel stands 1.85 m (6 ft 1 in) at the shoulder and 2.15 m (7 ft 1 in) at the hump. The hump itself rises about 30 inches (76.20 cm) out of its body and can easily be seen as it looks a bit like a small hairy mountain. Camels can run at up to 65 km/h (40 mph) in short bursts and sustain speeds of up to 40 km/h (25 mph).

Fossil evidence indicates that the ancestors of modern camels evolved in North America during the Palaeogene period and later spread to most parts of Asia. It is widely believed that Humans first domesticated camels before 2000 BC but we can’t be sure of this as only remaining artifact from that period is Rob Burwood.

Half time came with the score 2.0 and with it a rightful ear-bashing from Prosser, who despite erectile dysfunction told us all to be firm, stand up and be counted.

After the break the Purple headed pork panhandles finally pulled one back when Wilkins skinned the Olympic centre back and rolled the ball into the left corner. 2.1

The Hill were getting a lot of joy from both flanks and almost leveled when Williams dinked the ball to the back post onto the head of Steve Millar less than 1 yard out. Knowing how easy it was to head home, Millar decided to please the crowd by choosing the much harder option of heading  it over the open goal by three clear feet. Miller wheeled away in celebration after performing what looked to be a physically impossible manoeuvre. However, despite this display of incredible skill the ball must go into the gap between the posts to register as a goal and the score remained 2.1.

It was quickly becoming a battle of the granddads in midfield between the aging Kelly and Mclaughlin and the two antiques playing for Southgate. My granddad actually survived the Second World War after countless battles behind enemy lines. Sadly he became addicted to the powdered egg given out during rationing and snorted so much he choked on his own omelette…(what the f*ck?...{readers voice})

With the Hill throwing so many bodies forward disaster struck once again. After what looked like a seemingly innocuous challenge from Guy ‘Judge John Deeds’ Bowden the referee pointed to the spot to give Olympic the chance of a third. Up stepped what could only be described as the missing link to take the resulting kick. Millard produced a fine save only for Early Man to club hone the rebound. 3.1

It was time for Prosser to bring on the youth and on came the impressive Rob Evans and Andy Omand to prove that you don’t need to have gone through puberty to make an impact. While Wilkins was going through the ticks in Millars back hair on the sidelines, the two subs were causing Olympic all sorts of problems.

Despite wave after wave of pressure the odds of the Purple Tipped Topside Trumpets getting anything from the game was longer than Ryan Kelly’s Foreskin. It took until the 80^th minute for super sub Omand to reduce the margin to a single goal after a fine finish from a great Hill move. 3.2

With barely a minute left the mighty Purple Phalluses grabbed the equalizer. A William's corner was only half cleared by Clive Dunn the Southgate Olympic midfielder and it fell invitingly to McLaughlin just inside the 18 yard box. Despite seemingly taking forever McLaughlin lashed the ball into the roof of the net to send the crowd wild. The away side barely had time to launch yet another moan when the final whistle blew bringing the curtain down on a thrilling game. 3.3.

In conclusion the game was rather like getting sticking your bell end into Budgens’ pick ‘n’ Mix wine gums.….Bizarre but strangely exhilarating.

Old Owens 3 Winchmore Hill 1
SAL Minor Section Division Two North
Saturday 6 February

It was Winchmore Hill in 4th place versus top of the table Old Owens, and if the 5s won they would be in with a decent chance of winning the league. Winchmore had been forced into changes with four new players coming in. Paul, Lee and the two Alex’s came in to join regulars Jamie, Neil, Guy, Jordan, Stefan, Ryan and Damian.

The game started brightly with both teams creating chances. The game felt much more open than in recent weeks and goals looked to be on the cards. The team was gelling well considering they were missing a few regulars. Hills short passing in midfield was causing Owens problems and was creating space to play some good football.

Owens grew into the game and creating chances of their own and eventually their pressure told. It was a quick break from Owens with the lively left winger doing some nice work and setting up their big number 9 who struck a shot first time to the far corner and left Jaime with no chance. One nil Owens

The first half played out with few clear cut chances and both teams evenly matched. The two sides were willing to play football on the ground on what was a decent pitch. A few heated moments added spice to the half as the referee’s age ensured that there maybe a few decisions that he wasn’t going to be able to see

Tactical changes and a rousing team talk by Neil at half time seemed to do the trick as Winchmore came out firing on all cylinders. Extended pressure and the game being played almost exclusively in the Owens half led to the Hill goal. A cross in from Jordan on the right went all the way over to the left, good hold up play by Stefan who played a short pass to Alex Anastasiou who used his first touch to take him into the area and his second to smash a low left footed drive to the near post. Great goal.

Winchmore continued to dominate but couldn’t grab the vital second goal to go into the lead.  For the first 15 minutes of the half Owens looked resigned to conceding another but rode their luck. As Owens grew into the second half it seemed that one goal either way might be enough to win the game.

The second goal did come and unfortunately it went to Old Owens in the most bizarre of circumstances. An awkward shot towards the near post was hit from 20 yards out and the ball rebounded off the post. A scare survived but the panic was still there as Guy, anticipating an Owens follow up, hastily tried to clear the ball only for it to hit Jamie who had only just got back to his feet. Don’t know who’s taking the blame there but it was unfortunate.

With Hill now having to chase the game and commit men forward a forth goal of the game seemed inevitable. With Jordan’s deliveries causing problems at every corner a goal seemed likely but the ball wouldn’t bounce our way. Again the chances were there but just like in recent weeks we couldn’t finish them.

With risks being taken Owen’s were always looking dangerous on the counter attack and made it count with a dubious offside looking goal.

The match ended 3-1 to Owens but this wasn’t a true reflection of the balance of the game. On another day it could have so easily been Winchmore Hill who had been victorious. There was a lot that the team could take from this game with the Owens captain admitting that this was the toughest game they had been involved with this season.

Winchmore Hill 2 Norsemen 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 30 January

After last weeks disappointing AFA Cup exit, the 5XI returned to the Paulin in need of 3 points and a morale boosting win to carry into the ‘business end’ of the season.  Thanks to a juxtaposition of the Moon being aligned with Venus and Uranus (no not yours Millar, although that would have been a cataclysmic event), coupled with the 4’s rota’d out to Firs Farm, Neil Prosser’s purple shooting stars were given the honour of gracing the centre pitch in an intriguing fixture against our local rivals, Norsemen 4s, who were sitting 2 points and a place above us before kick off.

With the return of Guy ‘Shagger’ Bowden, Pete ‘I love Christmas Turkey’ Goldring and Paul ‘Roger’ Wilkins to the squad, along with the inclusion of the youngsters Jordan Williams and Charlie Barnes-Camper (AKA Keiron bait), the 5’s took to the field full of hope that a good playing surface and large pitch would contribute to some flowing football and an entertaining match.  Millard lined up in goal (not that you could see him on such a big pitch), with the stalwarts of the two Neil’s, Prosser and ‘Monster’ Golding, and Alan ‘Tattoo’ Kerridge in front of him.  Steve ‘Piglet’ Millar was tasked with looking after the right side of the pitch and Andrew ‘Sir Roger Moore’s Eyebrow’ Siddoli the left.  Turkey boy and Ryan were reunited in the middle with Damo ‘Timmy’ Crouch…I mean Bush, Roger and Jordan tasked with getting the goals.

Winchmore lost the toss for the first time this season, and kicked out of the sun toward the Clubhouse.  The match settled early into a pattern of Norsemen possession which tended to break down around 25 yards from goal, followed by a counter attack deep into the Norsemen half from Paul and Jordan, before Norsemen recovered the ball and played it around again in front of a disciplined Hill team, with no real end product to their play.  Indeed Jamie was largely a spectator in the 1^st half, with any Norsemen foray into the box ably dealt with by the two Neil’s or Mr Tattoo, and the odd corner being comfortably dealt with by the purple defence.  Damo was having a real battle in the air with the Norse Centre Half’s, but was always available and willing to put his head in the way of any ball played up to him. 

Neither side created any clear cut chances until a pass from Millar found Ryan who knocked a forward ball over the Norse left-back for Jordan to chase.  Jordan, unhindered by his now infamous ‘airbags’, galloped into the box where he was very crudely ‘taken-out’ (fouled Keiron, no need to get upset thinking that you missed out!) by the Norseman centre back who had scampered over to deal with the danger.  The referee had a quick think about his decision, while waiting for the Norsemen cries of innocence to die down (a sure sign of guilt!), and duly pointed to the spot. 

More cries from the Norse, which were pretty pointless as even they knew that it was a penalty (the tackle was thigh high with the ball nowhere near the player), before Kelly spotted the ball for the kick.  At this point, a Norse player decided that he was thirsty, walked across the front of the penalty spot, picked up a bottle of water and stood by the post drinking from it, in an obvious attempt to apply pressure to the player lined up for the kick. 

This incident stands out as it was in stark contrast to the sportsmanship encouraged by both team Captains throughout the match.  According to the home support in the bar after the match, the player left the field of play, albeit it briefly, before re-entering it to stand by the post.  Technically a booking, the referee used sound judgement in keeping his card in his pocket and briefly ticked off the Norseman instead.

Ryan kept his head, and slotted the penalty in to make it 1-0 to the Hill.

The goal didn’t change the pattern of play, with Norsemen enjoying reasonable control of the ball, without any real penetration (Keiron….NO).  Late in the half, Norsemen won a corner which was quickly cleared to Jordan, who set off up the right wing at great pace.  Paul ‘Roger’ Wilkins broke with him, leaving the Norse team stranded upfield and Winchmore with a 2 on 1 against the last defender, with at least half a pitch between the attacking forwards and everyone else.  Jordan squared the ball to Roger, who dispatched the ball coolly into the bottom right of the net, only for the Ref to blow for offside from the other end of the pitch.  Very harsh on the boys in purple, as there was no way for the Ref to give an informed decision as he was not, but could not have kept up with play.  At least the referee was honest when he blew, admitting that he had to favour the defending side for obvious reasons.  However, I’m sure that the Norse ‘last man’ and keeper knew that they had been let off, as after the match (and with the 3 points secured) Paul and Jordan confirmed that the ball was passed backwards and that Paul had been in an onside position moving onto it, when it was played. 

With no changes from either side at the start of the second half, and with the Sun at their back, Norsemen piled forward in an attempt to equalise, pushing the boys in purple deeper into the last third of the pitch. Jamie was called into action when a Norse centre drifted goalward, and he tipped the ball onto the bar before it was cleared for a corner.  Norsemen were attacking with far more intent, but were being denied shooting opportunities due to sound organisation from Neil Prosser and strong defending from the front.  Norsemen had 2-3 more half chances (largely due to the Hill giving the ball away cheaply, which was a common theme for most of the match) before Paul picked up the ball on the half-way line, spun past his defender and put a superb ball through to our resident supermodel Jordan.  Jordan still had plenty to do, but slipped past his marker to go one on one with the goalkeeper, before dribbling past him and smashing the ball into the net.  2-0 Winchmore 5’s.

Stung into action, Norsemen piled forward, with the big, bald headed, centre back, who had previously been shadowing ‘Timmy’, pushing right up the pitch.  This resulted in a succession of corners which resulted in a Norsemen goal some 10 minutes from time, when the big man battered his way through his marker, and headed goalward.  The header was blocked but fell to a Norseman who hammered the ball past Jamie.  2-1.

The goal actually brought Neil’s purple heroes to life, and the game opened up with Norsemen almost caught short at the back when a great cross from Andrew Siddoli just failed to get through to Steve Millar, and a Charlie B-C (on for Roger) pass was barely intercepted on it’s way through to Ryan Kelly, who would have been clean through on goal.  ‘Shagger’ Bowden came on for Neil P, and showed his stamina had indeed improved by lasting for more that 30 seconds before he ‘slid in’ with (a) great tackle, when a Norse player looked to be bearing down on goal.  There was still time for ‘Piglet’ to turn into his man seven times, rather than play an easy pass to a player in space, before the 90 minutes was up and the game was won.

Paul Michael’s boys will have been disappointed to have left the Paulin without at least a point, but this game was notable for some honest and excellent refereeing and the spirit in which it was played, with both sides behaving in an honest manner.

Once more, a visiting Norseman team, guided by a skipper who led by example both on and off the pitch, were a credit to the Club that they are obviously very proud to be a part of.

Overall, an unattractive, but effective performance from the 5’s, who ‘ground’ out the result against an organised Norsemen side.

Alexandra Park 0 Winchmore Hill 3
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 12 December

A sad and wet looking pitch was always going to be a leveller as the Hill took on the bottom placed side. Within minutes it was churning up and the standard of the game was dictated by the players movement. At every opportunity he Hill got it wide to Jordan or Alex Green and it eventually paid dividend in the 25th minute when young Green cut inside from the right and bent the ball past the keeper with the outside of his foot. Not along after the restart Neil Prosser sent in a free kick from the left which Bush lurched towards and missed with his foot. Fortunately his knee hit the ball and the keeper slipped resulting in a very apologetic Bush as he turned away and shrugged as the ball fell over the line to make it 2-0.

Within a couple of minutes the lead was extended further as a long kick from Millard saw Green run through the defence again and slot another in just as it looked like he had missed his chance. Hill were solid in the middle with Goldring and Kelly filling ample space. The back line never looked in trouble for the rest of the half.

The second half saw a very resilient display from AP who kept pushing and eventually Millard was forced into a very smart save down to his right. Hill pushed up further but the pitch by this time was almost making it unplayable. Neil Goldring was in with a super opportunity but the chance sailed towards Wood Green and the ball was never seen again.  Fisher had a great performance down the right and Kerridge made a couple of great tackles at the back. Sidoli replaced Bush late in the second half and brought some added steel to the back line but the final few minutes passed without incident. Hill were very grateful to get off the pitch and it is rumoured that Kelly is still showering his mighty mass and trying to get clean back at their changing rooms. In the words of Steve Millar "I really didn't do that much today" seems the best way to sum this match up. A professional display where we did just enough.

Southgate Olympic 2 Winchmore Hill 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 31 October

Decimated by injury (Hill (knee), Bush (wrist, groin, nipple…ear) and a couple missing–in-action (Williams (relegated to the 3s), Miller (on half-term), Fisher (lost in North London), Isaac (still actually, honestly and really with Chelsea) and one AWOL (Green), Prosser’s Army drafted-in eight from the Home Guard. This left the average age in the changing room at a greying 42. Up top we substituted the bulk and experience of Neil P and Ryan for the pace and guile of Alex Green, Bradley Hill, Jordan Williams, and…errr…Steve Miller. The middle of the park was left to the inappropriately named Young, Goldring, and Bradley while the back five consisted of Bowden, Kerridge, Golding, Ian Prosser and Chapman.

Prosser’s Purple Pioneers were in control of the game. So much so that towards the end of the half the side’s self-styled audio-visual expert, Pete Goldring, embarked on a frolic into the Olympic half, out-paced their rear-guard and planted a left foot cross-shot into the roof of the Olympic net. A truly remarkable feat for a man whose left foot is simply a useful appendage which helps him get to the kebab house. (0-1)

At half-time we went in a goal up but aware that we needed more, despite the fact that Millard The Cat hadn’t been tested.

Early in the second half Ian P felt a twinge. Erring on the side of caution he was replaced by Seamus with little Stevie Bradley taking up the sweeper role. Olympic persisted with their long ball game which was generally snuffed-out by Neil Golding and Alan Kerridge. However, the referee appeared to have Wengeresque ‘selective vision’ and steadfastly refused to blow even when the off-sidedness of the Olympic strikers was certain. (Ok, I couldn’t stop myself.)

The Hill had chances. Notably when Neil P cleverly beat a defender near the corner flag and found Young-y at the far stick. How he managed to mishit the ball across the goal was anyone’s guess. As time ticked down and the Hill failed to increase their lead Olympic came more into the game. A corner was cleared to just outside the Hill box. The Olympic left-back moved onto the bouncing ball and struck a volley to the right of the goal. Confusion between The Cat and Chappers on the line saw the ball sail into the back of the net unopposed. (1-1)

With the wind in their sails, Olympic suddenly believed. A suspiciously offside Olympic striker burst forward. The Cat came out, made himself less small and forced him across goal where a sprinting Kerridge was able to deflect the ball wide. Then it came – the sucker punch. Five minutes left and a shot from a little outside the Hill area skidded goalwards. The Cat dived, got a good right hand to the ball, but it squirmed and squeezed into the bottom corner of the net. (2-1)

The Purple Army pushed forward hoping to salvage something from the game and several near-misses later the ref brought a close to proceedings. Very much three points dropped.

Winchmore Hill 9 Norsemen 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 17 October

Winchmore Hill v Norseman always has an air of expectancy, liken to Tottenham v Arsenal, City v United, Rangers v Celtic.

This fixture was given further exaggeration due to the pre-season ‘friendly’ beating that we were dealt at the hands of an unfamiliar Norseman team.

Winchmore kitted out in our less than familiar day-glow yellow tops, the ones that are large enough to fit two Pete Goldrings in but have a 4 inch neck size.  (I wouldn’t say they were cheap…..).

Set up in our new standard formation of Neil sweeping behind the two marking centre backs two wingbacks and a combination of target man Damien with two support strikers just off.

The Game started at a fast and furious pace with passion rather than quality being the order of the day.  Hill probably slightly in the ascendancy with good link up play from old flame Wilko and the pace and guile of Alex Green and his doppelganger Damian Bush.  Resulting in a free kick slightly left of centre, half way between 18 yard box and the half way line.  Up stepped Peter, dispatching a free kick of true quality finishing neatly in the bottom corner. One nil Hill.        

Continued pressure resulted in a string of corners in quick succession.  Hill having dominance in the air with the qualities of the Bush, Wilkins et al showing.  The third corner ended in a goal mouth scramble that Millar tapped in from all of a yard. Two nil, Hill

Then possibly the turning point of the game, a moment of madness from the Norseman Midfielder saw him red carded for an altercation with Neil Prosser.  All to often a 10 man team battle against the odds to rally and win, this was not one of those games.  A magical, mazy run from senior Bush’s separated-at-birth -twin Alex ended in a third.  Three nil up, half time!

After the telling off by Captain Neil we delivered the four and fifth in quick succession Jordan started a second half to be reckoned with.  Moved from wingback he terrorised the opposition scoring in gay abundance.   Beats going shopping?????

Norseman to their credit continued to try and play football but with a tiring team and with our tails up the goals continued to tick over.  Of note Jordan’s fourth saw him round the keeper, drag the ball back and finish calmly.  High hopes for this young man!

In the end a huge victory over a team that have not lost all season. Says it all! Still Norseman surely have the players to be there or thereabouts at the end of the season and the victory should not be underestimated as a lucky result due to the dismissal of their player.  

Winchmore Hill 1 Old Owens 0
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 10 October

The Winchmore Hill 5s were in confident a mood coming off the back of two hard fought wins. The recent cup win in particular demonstrated many positive traits in the team, none more so than ability work hard and grind out results. But it was back to the league on a rather pleasant October afternoon. Two wins out of three in the league so far and although it maybe too early to talk of a title charge, the team appears organised and motivated enough to challenge.

Preparation for the match could have been better with key players Bradley Hill, Jordan and Alan Kerridge failing to recover from knocks, all of whom have played their part in a decent start to the season. But the squad was boosted by the return of Damian Bush, Steve Millar, Guy Bowden and also Andy Omand who would start the game from the bench.

The match kicked off of in glorious sunshine but Hill’s opening 10 minutes couldn’t match the weather. Winchmore struggled with Owens possession football in the opening 10 minutes and were somewhat run ragged for the opening exchanges. Credit to the team though who came through the period unharmed, and not allowing their opponents to create any clear chances and capitalise.

The match continued at a fast pace and Hill settled well in the game after the being taken aback buy Old Owens energy straight from the off. Shooting opportunities were coming almost at will and notably being created from all over the pitch.

Damo (Damien Bush) was a threat as always in the air and the understanding between him and his runners is improving with every game. He had his own personal battle to deal with though as Owens had a giant CB who had been assigned the role of man marker for Damo. A challenge that he was more than up to.

Chances came in quick succession for Alex Green and Steve Millar but still the breakthrough was missing. Alex found himself with the ball at his feet in the area on numerous occasions and came closest with a cross-come-shot that just drifted low past the far post. Millar, who has been short of luck in front of goal thus far this season, failed to hit the target after being put through. One must remember ‘form is temporary, class is permanent’ in times like this.

The first half continued with more of the same. The back four of Guy, the two Neil’s and Jamie were looking comfortable aerially and on the ground. The hard working midfield were pressuring there men and not allowing them to take control like the opening exchanges. Ryan and Pete in the centre not allowing Old Owens central playmakers anytime on the ball and were excellent in the fifty fifties. Stefan and Isaac were offering width and generally dealing with Owens tricky wide players.

More shots on goal from Winchmore followed and before half time Millar, Fisher and Goldring (on several occasions) had all come close from the edge of the box. Millar cutting in from the right had his low shot well saved and Stefan had a dipping volley destined for the top corner plucked from the air. Pete was striking the ball well from distance with a drive low to the left corner and for once the 6’6” giant of keeper was beaten but saw his effort creep agonisingly wide.

The last action of the half saw Owens muster a rare attempt on goal with a 30 yard screamer that only ended up a foot wide.

No goals at half time and mainly due to the Old Owens goalkeeper who was answering all the questions that Winchmore could throw at him and answering them relatively comfortably too. On occasions already this season Winchmore have been guilty of wasting too many chances and this was a theme that looked to have carried to this game. One change at half time with Andy Omand coming on for Steve Millar.

The second half began with the same rhythm as the majority of the first with Hill on the front foot. The breakthrough looked inevitable but at the same time doubts of ‘one of those days’ could have been creeping in.

As the half wore on, both teams were becoming tense with the thought of conceding a late goal. This resulted in clear chances becoming few and far between. Old Owens were sitting a lot deeper and leaving less space for Winchmore to get in behind but there would be breakthrough regardless.

It was the substitute Andy who made the vital contribution in the end with only 10 minutes left. With himself and Alex giving the fullbacks nightmares with their pace and directness, it was only a matter of time before one of them made it count. A move that started with Jamie in goal, the ball found its way to the centre where Ryan threaded a through ball to Andy who remained calm and finished inside the near post. Advantage Winchmore and no more than they deserved.

Alex Green came closest after the goal with a run and strike that resembled his goal from last week but this time he was just over. Ian Prosser was brought on to provide fresh legs and to help out the defence and that he did.

Old Owen’s adopted a more direct approach after conceding but still couldn’t muster a clear goal scoring chance with credit again going to the Hill defence.

The match finished 1-0, another hard fought victory for Winchmore Hill 5ths and nothing more than they deserved. This team seems to be growing a winning mentality and have the desire to keep working up to the final whistle. That’s now three wins out of four in the league and with the next outing against top-of-the-table Norsemen, we’ll know a lot more about this teams title credentials.

Winchmore Hill 3 Old Actonians 2
Southern Amateur League Cup
Saturday 3 October

A tough draw against Old A’s 5’s gave Neil Prosser’s side a chance to avenge a 6-0 Quarter-final victory against the same opposition in January of last year.  Yes, I did say victory!  I am referring, of course, to the infamous ‘Hurstgate’ incident, when Old A’s appealed to the SAL, after losing the tie by no less than 6 (six) goals in a match played at the club, when most others had been called off due to waterlogged pitches.  The complaint was that by playing Neil Hurst, who was returning from a serious knee injury after an operation, we were breeching sectional strength rules in the Cup.  The appeal was upheld and they went on to lift the SAL Cup. 

That was actually one of Hursty’s last games for the club, as he has finally succumbed to his knee injury, and while he played his part, the team performance that day was exceptional.  The decision to award the tie to Old A’s, seems to make a mockery of the fact that now the cup is open with 4^th XI’s competing with 5^th and 6^th XI’s.  What about the sectional strength rule now?

Anyway, this was an excellent win against a fit and physical Old A’s team, who were competitive, organised and determined.  There were several changes forced on the side thanks to Damien’s broken hand, Guy’s absence and the return of Isaac.  Stalwart GK Jamie retained his place between the sticks, with Neil Prosser behind Big ‘G’ Golding and ‘The Tattoo’.  Katie Price and Stefan patrolled the left and right flanks respectively with Pete and Isaac in the middle.  Alex Green had a free role, with Ryan Kelly tasked with filling Damo’s battering ram role to provide Bradders with goal scoring opportunities. 

The Hill started very well as Old A’s were pegged in their own half, with Isaac, Jordan, Stefan and Pete getting the ball up to the front three as quickly as possible and then supporting them in attack.  Alex caused the opposition defence plenty of problems with some mazy runs, and had two good chances to put the 5’s ahead, both shots being fired into the grateful grasp of the goalkeeper.  Ryan played in Isaac, Stefan and Bradley on numerous occasions, but the finish just didn’t materialise.  This was by far the best we had played all season, and I think Old A’s were genuinely stunned by the standard of football, energy and teamwork of the home side, with Jordan in particular, providing some excellent service for his forwards.

Ten minutes into the half, Ryan chased a throughball and was caught by a sliding tackle from the A’s centre half, who had made clear contact with the ball.  Ryan landed directly on his back and there was a worrying moment as he didn’t move for a few seconds before rolling onto his front where he stayed for some time.  Thankfully he managed to get to his feet, clearly in some pain, before attempting to ‘run it off’.

Several more chances were spurned by the boys in Purple, and to be fair, Old A’s worked extremely hard in an attempt to keep us at bay.  Then, totally against the run of play and seconds after one of Jamie’s few touches of the ball, Old A’s scored a terrific goal when one of their guys smashed the ball into the top left corner from close to 25 yards.  Jamie had no chance.     

Undeterred, the Hill kept doing the right things and were level five minutes later when Alex Green cut inside his man and curled the ball into the back of the net from just inside area with an excellent finish.  A few more chances came and went for the Hill, and it was a relieved Old A’s side when the whistle blew for half-time, giving them the chance to re-group.

The second half got underway with the boys in purple still enjoying good spells of possession but with Old A’s fighting hard to have more influence on the game.  Within seconds of the restart, Ryan found Alex who in turn played Bradley in on goal, only for his shot to sail wide.  Old A’s were strong in the tackle and chased everything down, but the boys at the back were rarely troubled, with Isaac and Pete running their legs off to keep control of the ball.  Then, fifteen minutes into the half, Jordan launched a throw into the Old A’s box allowing Bradley to flick the ball towards the far post where Ryan was lurking.  From 3 yards and under the challenge of a defender and the goalkeeper, he managed to poke the ball into the back of the net.  2-1 to the Hill.

Old A’s came back strongly and started to created chances.  Alan and Neil (Monster) Golding were worked hard by the A’s forwards and the pressure led to several corners in quick succession from which Actonian’s were unlucky not to score.  Then, after another corner, the ball wasn’t cleared properly and Old Actonian’s scored with a powerful drive from the edge of our box.  Jamie then dived.   2-2.

This was harsh on the Purple warriors, as we had been having the vast majority of possession, but heads didn’t drop and twelve minutes from time, Neil Prosser knocked a great ball into the Actonian’s far post where Bradley nodded in the final goal of the game.  3-2!

Alex and Isaac then made way for Keith Gyles and Steve Miller, with Ryan dropping back into the middle with Pete to stiffen the midfield.  Miller ran his little legs off when he came on, and made several excellent interceptions to break up any momentum that A’s were trying to get in order to force another equalizer, and five minutes from time one of his tackles pushed the ball to Ryan who played a clever reverse pass to put Keith through on goal.  Keith did everything right and side-stepped the goalkeeper who clearly caught him on his way past.  To Keith’s credit, he managed to somehow keep on his feet and attempted to chase the ball down, unfortunately, it just trickled behind for a goal kick and the chance was gone.  The Hill saw out the rest of the half and were understandably delighted when the final whistle went, sending us into the next round and an away tie against Poly 4’s.

East Barnet Old Gramm. 0 Winchmore Hill 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 26 September

A bright and sunny September afternoon greeted Neil Prosser’s purple platoon, as we arrived at EBOG’s main ground for the first time in 3 years last Saturday, still smarting from last weeks disappointing loss away to CEV 4’s.  After 3 seasons in the top division of Minor SAL football, the memories we had of EBOG’s pitches was not good, especially as the last time we had played there, half of the 1^st team pitch had stuck to our boots, on our way to the pitch that had been allocated to us (which was in an even worse condition)!!!  However, we were pleasantly surprised to find that the pitches are currently in excellent condition, namely flat, recently mown and a credit to the EBOG groundsman.

Having already lost ‘The Beast’ that is Neil Golding to a wedding, Keiron ‘I like boys, preferably young ones’ Nadaja to a camping (good use of the word) weekend and ‘The Flying Winger’ Andy Omand to the 4’s, we knew we were in for a tough match as EBOG’s have started the season strongly.  However, Prosser’s lads were bolstered by the return of Alan Kerridge and Stefan Fisher to the side, especially as Stefan had managed to persuade best mate Alex Green to come along at the last minute due to Andy O going up.   There was also the welcome sight of Keith Gyles returning from injury on the line, and the familiar tones of Ian Prosser to help steady the purple ship.

The first ten minutes set the pattern for the half, with a well organised, fast and skilful EBOG’s team having good possession, but foundering on a solid and disciplined Hill defence (well marshalled by Neil P), who in turn released Pete and Ryan in the middle to spray the ball to our own forwards.  The lads up front were causing problems for the strong EBOG back line, with Damian winning the vast majority of headers for Bradley Hill and young Jordan Williams to run at their fullbacks.  EBOG’s set about their task with a great deal of belief and applied sustained pressure to the Hill rearguard from long throws, excellent corners and well delivered freekicks.  However, apart from the odd shot wide and strong block tackle, Jamie didn’t actually have a lot to do, with the determination of the midfield and defence to give him a first clean sheet of the season evident in the strength of challenge and energy levels of the boys in purple.

It’s fair to say that EBOG’s were in control, however we were creating the better chances and both Damian and Bradley got the opposition goalkeeper working, with a Bush header just clearing the crossbar from a corner with the EBOG keeper stranded.  Then the breakthrough, with another EBOG attack broken up on the edge of the 18 yard box, the ball was pushed through to Bradley Hill who hit a precision pass through 2 defenders to Jordan Williams in his first start upfront for Prosser’s purple pirates.   With 35 yards still to travel, young Jordan drove past his full back and lifted the ball over the onrushing EBOG stopper into the net.  1-0 to the Hill!

This angered the opposition, who pushed on from the restart and forced Millard into action on several occasions from distance, but his handling was sound.  At the other end, Brad beat the EBOG offside shout and blasted a shot 10 yards high and wide of goal, when a little more composure was called for.  In fact, Bradley was a constant thorn in the EBOG side, working back to protect his defence, before sprinting back up the pitch to support his fellow forwards in the attack. 

It was during one of Brad’s defensive foray’s just before half time, that the complexion of the match changed, when he cleverly nicked the ball away from EBOG’s nippy, skilful and dangerous right winger, played a one-two with Alex Green and then finished up on the end of a disgusting, waist-high scissor kick assault from said winger, who was obviously unhappy to have lost possession.  Brad is very lucky to have been able to get up from the challenge, let alone play on, as he needed lengthy treatment from a tackle that could have seriously injured him. 

EBOG player, if you are reading this, to your credit, you showed a great deal of remorse after the incident and hopefully will have learnt from it.  As a true footballer (and you have good ability), please never do that to another player again.  End of incident.

The referee handled the situation well and used common sense in first checking on Bradley to see what further attention may be needed for him, before taking the EBOG winger and skipper to one side and explaining his next decision to both of them, before issuing a red card to the offender.  This all happened on the stroke of half time and Neil’s nobbler’s came in for the all important team talk 1-0 up and with the opposition reduced to 10 men for the second half.

The 2^nd half was a different affair to the first, and although a very spirited fight was put up by the opposition, who did not give up on the match, the Hill were very much in control.  With the EBOG team now slightly unbalanced, Prosser’s purple picnickers’ kept the ball for longer periods, and created chance after chance to increase the lead. 

However, once more, we did not put the game to bed, which kept the opposition ‘interested’.   Jordan had a great chance to add to his goal tally, but a combination of the goalkeeper and a defender on the line managed to clear the ball to safety.  Bradley cut down the right hand side and fired in a shot which went well wide, when a cross to the unmarked Bush in the area would surely have lead to a goal.  Actually, it probably wouldn’t, as 5 minutes later Damian, lurking near the far post, swung his boot at a brilliant centre from Keith Gyles (on for Alex Green) and with only the paint on the goal line to beat from 2 yards……smashed his shot against the post.  Exit stage right for Damo (who coincidentally had broken a bone in his hand, in an innocuous fall as early as the first minute of the match), as Neil decided enough was enough and shut up shop, bringing Ian on for the big man up front. 

Throughout the 2^nd half, EBOG’s battled gamely, but had been limited to counter attacks that had mostly fizzled out in the middle of our half of the pitch, with Stefan Fisher working extremely hard to ensure that his opposite number was kept quiet and our resident barrister Guy Bowden and body art model Alan Kerridge (what a pair these two are!) doing everything they could to snuff out any potential EBOG threat. 

However, with 5 minutes left EBOG launched their last major offensive of the game, and committed players forward in numbers.  This lead to a little confusion in the Hill ranks, with the ball being given away very cheaply on several occasions to the rather portly EBOG’s skipper, who had proved a very intelligent footballer throughout the match.  He in turn put a great ball into the left of our 18 yard box, and it took a combination of super sweeper Neil, nippy Jordan (or Katie Price as Damo has re-christened him) and the walking tattoo (Alan Kerridge) to clear the ball to safety.  Thankfully, throughout the half Jamie was rarely troubled, but he looked confident and comfortable when called into action.

The final whistle went, and the delight at the Hill getting 3 points on the board was clear for all to see.  EBOG’s played with great spirit, and were a decent bunch of guys, who all apologised for the moment of madness from their winger before half time and, to their credit, got on with trying to get something from the game, rather than feeling sorry for themselves having to play with 10 men.  A good footballing side, who play with a strong sense of spirit of SAL football (and that’s bearing in mind the incident before half time), EBOG’s focus on getting on with playing football, and will be a tough hurdle to overcome in the return fixture if they continue playing the way they are.

Special mention should also be made of the referee, who had control of the game at all times (good game ref), and the hospitality from the EBOG staff who had little touches like a welcome note for us in the changing room and on the canteen table.

Crouch End Vampires 3 Winchmore Hill 2
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 19 September

Having started with a victory in Prosser’s first game in charge the Hill looked to carry similar form into the game at Crouch End. The team differed from the previous week with Golding returning at the heart of defence and youngster Jordan making his debut at left wing back. On the bench Hill had two new faces one that of a fresh faced 16 year old (much to delight of Keiron), Josh, and the other not so fresh faced 92 year old Ian Prosser, younger and tubbier brother of Neil.

The first half was a bit of a non event and not much of spectacle for the crowd. Hill were exposing some frailties in the defence of Crouch End with some excellent long throws which were flicked on regularly by Bush across the penalty area but without anyone able to capitalize and score the all important first goal. Millard was called into action once and made a fine save from point blank range only for the ref to blow up for a rather dubious offside decision. The ref blew up for half time with neither side really dominating.

Half Time 0-0

The second half almost started disastrously for Hill. From our own kick off a mistake by Kelly let in Vampires who attacked with pace but could only shoot wayward when hitting the target would probably have put them in front. Hill then got on top and started to impose themselves on Crouch End. Set piece situations still looked the most likely source of a goal from Hill, and an excellent corner from Goldring found the head of Bush who in turn found the cross bar.

Not long after the Hill took the lead. A free kick inside our own half was pumped forward by Goldring finding the head of Bush who flicked the ball onto Kelly who then produced a fine pass to pick out Bradley Hill who poked the ball home. However, the lead was not to last very long, and the Vampires exposed some rather disturbing problems in the Hill defence.

From a long kick from the Vampires keeper, Keiron under minimal pressure made a hash of a headed clearance and deflected the ball past Neil Prosser who was caught out of position, allowing the left winger to make his way forward without any trouble after he escaped the attentions of Guy at right wing back. Millard had no chance as the winger came forward and neatly placed the ball past him.

It wasn’t long before Hill again took the lead. Guy played the ball into Bradley Hill on the edge of the box. With plenty still to do and several players between him and the goal, Hill neatly lobbed the ball over the keeper and found the back of the net with a quite excellent finish. Could Hill go on and finish the job? No!

Hill's inability to clear the lines was again in evidence for Vampires second goal. The impressive left winger for Vampires was allowed to cut inside from his wing far too easily and produce a delicate chipped pass into the centre forward who was allowed far too much time to pick his spot and slot the ball past Millard. Not long after Vampires scored the winner, although I can’t remember the goal I do believe it was the fault of the defence again for not clearing the lines. Hill could have equalised in the dying moments when new boy Josh was sent clear but he could only fire his shot tamely at the keeper.

Individual mistakes cost us the game and these need to be eradicated otherwise we are in for another long, hard season.

Winchmore Hill 3 Alexandra Park
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division Two (North)
Saturday 12 September

A new look Fifth team took to the field for their season opener against AP and got off to a great start with a 3 – 1 victory at Firs Farm.

After a disappointing season last year culminating in relegation, the 5s needed to get off to a good start.  This season we have a new Captain in Neil Prosser and a number of new players, so hopes are high within the camp for a good season.

The first 20 minutes of this game were fairly scrappy but then both teams settled and the Hill started to create the better chances.  Most chances were coming from balls into our big striker Damian Bush, with Bradley Hill and the midfielders trying to get on the end of his flick-ons.  A few chances went begging but they kept coming at a good rate.  Damo was also unlucky with a few headers just off target from set pieces. 

AP played some reasonable football at times but without really troubling the Hill rearguard.  The defence were winning everything in the air and snuffing out any danger before it got into the last third of our pitch.  Then 10 minutes before half time AP went ahead with their only shot on target.  A long throw wasn’t cleared properly and was diverted into the path of an on rushing midfielder who volleyed in from 10 yards.  Hill didn’t have to wait long for an equaliser though, another high ball into Damo was ably flicked on, and Bradley Hill outpaced the defence and neatly lifted it over the on-rushing keeper. 

Half Time 1 – 1.

After a rousing half time team talk from our Captain, the Hill came out in the second half with the bit between their teeth and dominated in every area of the pitch from the kick off.  The Hill midfield began to dominate proceedings and AP struggled to contain us.  It wasn’t long before we were 2 – 1 up, a short corner was played into Neil Prosser who turned inside and curled a left footed shot into the top corner from about 20 yards out – a very composed finish. 

Not long later we were 3 – 1 up thanks to a mistake from the AP keeper and a great finish from Bradley Hill.  The keeper - in no mans land - tried to pass the ball to his right full back but instead gave it straight to Bradley Hill who duly lobbed him from about 30 yards out.

AP rarely threatened and again the defence looked strong in the second half.  Whilst the battering of their defence continued with a number of chances going begging from the Hill.  Everybody played well from the keeper through to the strikers and the 2 subs also did their bit.

There is a lot of room for improvement though and the Hill need to make sure they start better in future games – but a promising start and 3 points on the board.

Season 2008/09
Nottsborough 4 Winchmore Hill 2
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division One
Saturday 2 May

This was more about the Club than a side, with many people away or working or just not bothering it was a huge effort to get a team out. Ryan Kelly and myself made over 60 calls between us to get the last 4 players in, succeeding at 10.30am on the day of the game, one hour before the meet to travel to Tolworth. Ryan was not even playing but was determined to get a side out, a no show would have meant a £100 fine. This meant we had 4 regulars and and then a selection of squad members from the 6th to the 10th team.

With a the bare 11, the stand in skipper, Bush did the gentlemanly act and went in goal. We lined up with the 4-4-2 headed by the Dyer brothers, Barrington & Cas. We were up against a strong Nottsborough side who will finish in the top 3 this season. Within a few minutes we were 1-0 down and then Bush let in a shocker (did I mention I am not a keeper), however the side kept plugging away. Guy Bowden and Stefan Fisher had strong games at full back and Sidoli played in the centre with the Pross sweeping. Okay we did have one gem in the middle, young Steven from the Jack Netwon academy of the 2s and he played there with Paulo who was finding life tough in the centre. Jason Townsend kept up his one trick pony of nutmegging the Notts right back on about 4 occasions and the side was finished by Andy Oman on the right.

Hill managed to get into half time with no further damage and Bush even made the odd catch (not save , catch). We had settled into a decent shape and the second half saw us push them back for long periods, until a break down the left form Jason Townsend sent over a cross for Paulo Cerroni to hook in from a tight angle. The next ten mins saw us push them back and nearly equalise, the Dyer brothers were full of tricks and Notts were rattled. Unfortunately a break on about 75 mins down our right, left Bush stranded and a cut across the area saw them slot home to make it 3-1. Within five this was 4-1 and the rout was on, we were tired and a few heads dropped. However we kept pushing and a smashing strike from Andy Oman on the right saw a 20 yard effort fly into the top corner from an acute angle, we kept going and Bush even made a one on one save. A commendable effort and a special thanks to all the players who made the effort.

Najada has had a tough season as skipper and has done a fine job, selection had been poor and a few players could have raised there games at times and need to take a look at themselves with regarding to which level they are playing at next season.

Onwards & Upwards !!

Winchmore Hill 5 Old Actonians 2
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division One
Saturday 22 November

After a disappointing succession of results the 5s were looking to get some points on the board and move back up the league. The team was reshuffled again and Ed Curtis and Paolo Cerroni found themselves back amongst the starting line up with the new formation from the bronze god Keiron Capello, 4-1-2-1-2, in a move towards a more attacking style of football. Having enjoyed a lot of early possession, it was Old Actonians who made the first breakthrough having been allowed too much time on the ball and the Hill found themselves up against it again with the score at 0-1. The goal was a great wake up call and the 5s nearly scored right from the break with Ed Curtis playing in Chris Chapman who's shot was just wide. Neil Prosser found space in the box on two later occasions and was unlucky not to get on the score sheet. A ball down the left from Ryan was chased down by Cerroni who beat a man and cut inside releasing Chapman through one on one with the keeper. The defender was forced to bring Chapman down and prevent a certain goal and the 5s won a penalty. Up stepped Damo who, after "giving the keeper the eyes", sent the keeper the wrong way and equalised. 

Damo's goal lifted the team and the 5s pushed forward looking for the second. The holding central partnership of Pete Goldring and Ryan allowed Ed the freedom he loves to go forward and through some good link up with Chapman and Cerroni the 5s pressured down both flanks forcing a flurry of corners which Neil Prosser delivered accurately into the box but to no avail. The GHD champion Glen again offered lots of mazy runs and attacking flair, not forgetting his ambitious 30 yard shot which killed three pigeons – which apparently Dave ate. Despite spending much of the half in the opposition's territory, the 5s still failed to break through and at half time the score remained 1-1.

The 5s started the 2nd half brightly and a ball from Glen found Cerroni on the right who knocked the ball past the defender and then hit a cross across the face of the goal which Ed converted to bring the score to 2-1 and reward the 5s domination.

Pete, Ryan and Ed continued to link up well and their strength on the ball and in the challenge helped the 5s dominate in the middle of the park. Ed beat 2 players and then played in Ryan who was through on goal - his effort beat the keeper but struck the woodwork causing the ball to drop in front of goal where Cerroni was mopping up and scored to bring the score up to 3-1.

The 5s stayed strong in defence and a long ball from Damo was gambled on by Cerroni who broke away down the right, the 5s raced into the box looking for another cross which although Cerroni provided, was met by the diving header of an Old Actonians defender who fired the ball in to the roof of his own net to bring the score up to 4-1.

Millar and new addition Darren were brought into the mix and provided lots of energy on a field where there were more than a few tired legs. Millar joined Cerroni upfront and used his strength and 'never say die' attitude to push the Old Actonians' defence into making errors. Darren was also a notably lively addition, who, as well as shouting louder than anyone ever has in the history of football, provided some great link up play form the defence to the forwards and was always an option to receive the ball back.

With the score at 4-1 complacency snuck in and the 5s gave the ball away allowing Old Actonians to break away far too easily through the middle. After a few break aways they found themselves through on goal and managed to score and reduce the deficit to 4-2. Their goal gave them a new found hope and the 5s midfield and defensive pairing of Damo and Keiron had to work very hard to keep the Hill from conceding further goals. The defence remained strong and refused to panic playing the ball out of trouble to the outlets provided by Glen and Andy on either flank at full back. A good break away from Andy down the left caused a succession of passes as the 5s again enjoyed the majority of possession. The 5s played the ball around in the midfield and demonstrated just how well they can keep the ball before picking out Cerroni in the box who quickly turned the defender and then bent the ball around the keeper into the bottom right hand corner to bring the score back up to 5-2. The goal was a great team goal coming from in excess of 10 passes and was boldly dubbed by some as the best move of the season, nonetheless the 5s will look to beat this as they strive to improve on this new brand of attacking football. The Hill continued to push forward but not long after the 5th goal the whistle went leaving the score at 5-2 and the Hill back to winning ways.

Post match celebrations involved a core of the 5s hopefuls journeying south to an exhibition of smut, as provided for by Damo who incidentally looks really cute in leather, where Glen made a great purchase to make those cold winter nights indoors all the more enjoyable! The exhibition was followed by a refreshing skirt-chasing session in Camden and then back to a house of "Dorrises", Glen was last seen going upstairs to "show a girl his magic tricks"…. "Powerful!".
 

Civil Service 1 Winchmore Hill 1
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division One
Saturday 15 November

A new week, a new challenge, the same old players late - Paolo and Ed forced to make their own way to the game! Following a train journey across London amongst a load of 'egg-chasers', the fifth eleven arrived at the oh so eloquent Barnes Bridge. After the usual, 'where is our changing room malarkey?', the fifth team lined up looking to secure an away win and move up to 4th – other results permitting. Chris Chapman was welcomed to the fold having moved down from the 4th team and started upfront alongside Neil Prosser.

The game kicked off and the Hill made a promising start showing a lot of energy and not allowing Barnes anytime on the ball. The reunited centre-back partnership of Keiron and Damo looked strong and remained so throughout the game assisted by Andrew Sidoli and Neil  Golding at full back. Ryan and Pete Goldring looked to take hold of the midfield and won the majority of the early 50 50's. Chapman made a noticeable debut and was very lively upfront breaking away early on down the left hand side before firing a shot from a tight, some say ambitious, angle. He continued to cause the opposition's defence problems for the rest of the half and was unlucky to see further shots saved having beaten defenders and found space following some good service from Neil Prosser. Barnes too had their chances and Dave Baker made some typically impressive saves, particularly when he was asked to charge out to his left and clear the ball away as the Barnes striker raced through on goal. The ever lively Haslam put in some great work down the right and was the main attacking threat for the Hill making several runs to the by-line and whipping in some great crosses which unfortunately were not met.

Despite the dominance of the 5s, one of the Barnes forwards was allowed too much time on the edge of the box and fired a shot into the roof of the net, Dave later dived. Whilst the strike was a great solo effort, the 5s were somewhat bemused by the fact that they were now losing a game where they had dominated much of the possession. With the score at 1-0 the Hill did well not to panic and immediately upped their game. Despite further good work down the right from twinkle-toed Glen at half time the score remained at 1-0 and Ryan lead the typically motivational half time talk, however if you ask me, the oranges were slightly overcooked.

The 5s started the second half brightly and their possession was rewarded with a lot of corners and free kicks, most of which were met by the aerial threat Damo who was unlucky not to score. To capitalise on this dominance Ed Curtis came on and immediately made an impact and provided a much needed link between the midfield and the strikers. Lysander was also called on and continued the good work Glen had offered down the right before a knock to his knee. Ed's runs into the box caused the opposition defence no end of troubles and he later won a free kick when they were forced to hack him down. After a brief triple roll Ed stepped up to take the free kick, which although trimmed the grass very finely, failed to threaten the keeper. Not long after a ball over the top from the right was latched onto by Miller who after a brief river dance smashed the ball into the roof of the net from close range.

With the score at 1-1 the hill pushed and Barnes were on the back foot and looking very edgy whilst the midfield remained strong and the defence mopped up anything they were faced with. The returning, and always late, Paolo Cerroni was summoned as the 5s looked for the winning goal which looked as though it might come. Barnes struggled as the 5s continued to attack and were lucky not to face a further free kick on the edge of the box when Cerroni was brought down after beating two defenders, advantage was played but Ed's shot was blocked and the move was over. Cheers ref. Lysander looked to be a threat on the left and the Barnes defence struggled to handle him. The substitutions had made a great impact as the 5s enjoyed their best period of attacking football.

In the dying minutes of the second half, a great corner from Neil Prosser was powerfully headed home by Damo who had seemingly put the score up to 1-2 and won the game for the Hill. Enter the ref blowing up for an apparent push on another defender by Golding With the goal disallowed Barnes hung on to the draw and the final score remained 1-1. The Hill should have won and will look to build on what was a largely disappointing result. Post match Fruilli ensued and Dave provided the entertainment in a memorable game of spoof. 

Winchmore Hill 5s 4 Winchmore Hill 4s 2
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division One
Saturday 4 October

Following the previous weeks dismal performance left the 5’s still looking for our first points of the season, we found ourselves up against the fours that had beaten us in a pre season friendly and were league champions last season. A number of changes were made to the starting eleven as we welcomed back a number of players. Keiron (Baldrick) had obviously had a lot of time on his hands during the week as he came up with cunning plan to stifle the attacking threat of the fours full backs and go on the offensive from the kick off.

Playing a 4-1-2-3 formation the fives were straight in the faces of the fours, with the midfield trio of Ryan, Ed and the excellent Pete Goldring dominating from the first whistle. Despite the early dominance we failed to create any decent chances in the first quarter of an hour. Finally though we broke the resistance of the fours with a free kick into the box which the centre halves failed to deal with and Paolo Carroni gratefully tapped home. After a five minute spell of consolidation a long punt ball through the centre caused hesitation amongst the four’s back four and Carroni latched on to the ball ahead of the onrushing goalkeeper to lob home his and the fives second to go two up.

The fives were beginning to gain confidence, and ably supported by some excellent defending and brave goalkeeping, began to play some better football. However it was again another long ball that created the next chance, a free kick from Damo travelled fully 50 yards and found Neil in the box who on the volley delivered a quite beautiful cross into the six yard box to set up Carroni surely for his hat-trick only to be denied by a superb tackle. It wasn’t long before the fives again increased the margin, a sprinting Ed making an excellent run into the box to side foot past the goalkeeper, to make it 3 – 0.

The fives were obviously cock-a-hoop, but the fours suddenly woke up and began to get into game in the last ten minutes of the first half, and deservedly pulled one back before half-time. The fives deservedly went in at half time 3-1 up following a much improved performance from one to eleven.

The teams emerged in the second half, with no changes made by the fives, with early exchanges being very scrappy. However, the two goals in this half were anything but scrappy. First blood in the second half went to the fives; a cheap and somewhat harsh free-kick was awarded about 25 yards out. As the wall was being set up, Neil smashed an unstoppable curling/dipping free kick over the wall into the corner of the net, much to the annoyance of the keeper, who was in the process of setting up the wall. 4-1 surely the game was over. Ten minutes later the fours pulled a goal back. Again a free kick was awarded rather cheaply around 25 yards out in a central position. The midfielder stepped up and delivered a beautiful curling free kick into corner of the goal, with Dave rooted to the spot.

4-2 to the fives and all of a sudden edginess appeared in the fives play and if it hadn’t been for some excellent defending from Andrew Sidoli, when the oppositions striker was clear on goal with still quarter of an hour of the game to go, the outcome could have been very different. Substitutions were made and the tired legs of Dave Austick and Ed Curtis who both worked tirelessly were given a well earned rest, and as the fours continued to press the excellent Damo had to go off injured. This lead to a shake up in the formation, 5-3-2, which saw two of our goal scorers, Neil and Paolo dropped into defensive positions, however the fours failed to break down a determined rearguard from us and the final whistle was greeted with much happiness and relief as we finally kick started our season. The cunning plan had worked!  Winchmore Hill fives 4 – 2 winchmore hill fours.

Winchmore Hill 1 Old Owens 2
Southern Amateur League
Minor Section Division One
Saturday 20 September

It has proved to be a mixed pre-season for the 5^th team comprising 2 wins and 2 losses – but the big plus here being we got in 4 good practice matches before our season opener against Old Owens 4’s.  So thanks must go to Rob Burwood for his sterling work in this regard.  With a new captain and a number of new players, these friendlies could prove to be invaluable as we embark on the new season.

Old Owens offered up a very stern test for the new look 5’s and finished near to the top of the table last season (drawing against and beating us along the way) -  but this was a game we lost rather than they won.  With 3 points firmly in our grasp with 1 minute left on the clock, this looked to be a great opening win for Winchmore Hill.  But alas, it was not to be and Old Owens scored 2 goals, I repeat myself here, both coming in the LAST  MINUTE OF PLAY.  This was a real choker for the team and an experience we won’t forget for a while but hopefully a lesson we will learn from.

The opening to the game was fast and a little frantic but after an initial settling in period Hill composed themselves and began to dictate.  Looking very solid at the back, the midfield began to spread the ball around nicely, with some lovely interchange work by Curtis and Goldring in the centre of the Hill midfield.  The Owens defence were under sustained pressure during the opening exchanges and indeed it wasn’t long before the goal came.  A long ball from the back by Bush drifted beyond the Owens defence, with Garala latching onto it in the opposition penalty area, and showing superb composure he cut inside past the defender and the keeper squaring it for Carroni to tap into the open goal.  1 – 0 to the Hill.

Five minutes later it should have been 2, a great cross in from the right saw Garala timing his jump to perfection and firmly heading downwards into the bottom corner, with only a truly outstanding save by the keeper getting a fingertip to it and palming it round the post.  Everyone on the pitch was surprised to see it kept out.

The first half whistle came with Hill firmly in the driving seat and putting in a very solid performance at the back - snuffing out any Owens attack before the keeper even had to make a save.

That well known football cliché that “football is a game of 2 halves” can certainly be applied to this match.  The second half was mostly Owens – with the Hills passing game going out of the window allowing the opposition to take command of the game.  Owens are a strong physical side and they began to bully the Hill midfield out of it and claw their way back into the match.  And with Hill being unable to hold the ball higher up the pitch meant Owens were being allowed to mount sustained attacks on the Hill defence.  Hill had their chances in the second period, but it is fair to say that Owens had the vast majority of the play in the second 45.

From then on Hill were under the cosh, and this was compounded further when Ed Curtis managed to get himself knocked out with a blow to the temple – resulting in an immediate trip to the hospital and leaving the Hill to cling on for the last 30 mins with 10 men, as all subs had been made.  And cling on Hill did, quite valiantly, as the pressure on the back four at times was immense – but still somehow managing to hold Owens at bay.  The midfield did their best, but losing Curtis was a blow and the extra man advantage was telling – and by leaving 1 up top, which we really had no choice about, we had no real outlet.  At times we didn’t do ourselves any favours by not holding onto possession and seemingly being unable to play the ball into each others feet.  And this obviously meant Owens kept getting the ball back and kept mounting further attacks.

But just when it seemed Hill had bravely managed to hold them at bay and with 1 minute remaining on the clock – I know, as I asked the ref after the game – Owens finally got a deserved equaliser. The goal took the form of a deflection after the ball had pinballed around the home teams 18 yard box.  Then with the last second of the game, a cross into the box saw an Owens player rise unmarked to head the ball into the roof of the net from 6 yards – no names named, but this was poor defending considering all of the hard work that Hill at put in over the previous 89 minutes.  And with that last piece of play the ref blew the whistle – with no time on the clock left for a restart.

A very depressed Hill trudged back to the changing rooms left to rue the 3 points lost – but with a great lesson in concentrating until the final whistle.  The team can’t really be faulted too much for their performance over 89 minutes – especially bearing in mind we were down to 10 men for a big chunk of this.  But it only takes a second to score a goal – or in our case 60 seconds to concede 2.