WINCHMORE HILL FOOTBALL CLUB
Season 2002-2003
First XI

Season 2002-2003
Thanks are due to Neil Hurst for ensuring that there is a report of every match played during this historical season. I know it can be a bit of a bind, especially after having played in the game, but if it hadn't been done we would not have a written record of such a wonderful season. 

Winchmore Hill 4 Carshalton 5
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 21 September
Report from Alex McLaughlin
Goals: 1-0 Hurst, 1-1 Cave (pen), 1-2 Wigham, 1-3 Leach, 2-3 Nathan, 3-3 Newton, 4-3 Nathan, 4-4 Tilley, 4-5 Wigham

It was ironic that the first day of the football season should fall on the anniversary of the release of the 'they might be Giants' single 'Little Birdhouse in Your Soul', but it did. The moment of truth had arrived and a new look Purple Battalion emerged from the tunnel looking hungry (especially Michael 'Spare some Change' Nathan, who clearly hadn't had a good meal for a number of weeks).

Could the Hill kick off the season with a win? Would Carshalton kick their way to a painful and tarnished victory? Who would emerge from the showers after the game with the hairiest toes? Jack 'Bilbo' Newton or Dave 'Frodo' Allen? As it happened the game had more swings than Mark Stevens sexuality, (and no less pain for those on the receiving end). Little were known of the opponents, Carshalton, but all became clear when they emerged in Plymouth Argyle's strip from the successful 1984 FA Cup semi-final season, dragging their knuckles on the floor of the hallowed turf.

The game kicked off at a frantic pace and so did the Hill's opponents, adopting the German's tactical approach to Pele in 'Escape to Victory'. However, it was the slick operating Hill who took the lead with a wonderful effort from Neil 'D'Artangan' Hurst after some great work from 'Spare some Change' and 'Bilbo'. However, the Carshalton response was almost immediate, and in a childish ten minute spell, they had the audacity to steam into a 3-1 lead. However, this team in purple was not going to leave the Paulin through the back door and fought back with a short-range shin-pad shank from Nathan. With time running out in the first period, a cultured ball found 'Bilbo' Newton on his own at the half way line. Gathering the ball, he soon outpaced the two trolls from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone at the heart of the Carshalton defence and coolly slotted the ball through the legs of the hapless keeper. Three-three.

By this stage it had become clear that the match was starting to resemble the second Rocky fight with Apollo Creed, as the advantage swapped from side to side. However, despite good rounds in the latter stages of the fight, Rocky was substantially behind on points going into the final round where only a knockout would take the titled away from the quicker Creed. With a dominant Balboa edging the round, both fighters hit the canvas, with only Rocky managing to beat the count and subsequently claiming the heavyweight championship of the World.

The second half kicked off and with 15 minutes gone, the Purple Headed Missiles took a deserved lead. Once again, after some excellent midfield work by Martin 'Sherminator' Gleave and Mark 'Puppy' Gower, Nathan raced clear to proudly tuck the ball into the far corner in front of the Kop end.

With Gower performing so well in the engine room, his famous cricketing father would have been proud. Indeed, rumours were rife that Imran Khan would come and watch his son's opening appearance for the Hill, however, he had the 'runs' and couldn't make it... (Yes, I know).

So, to try and maintain the lead, Spencer 'Major Hewitt' Gamsby and Alex 'Magnum' McLaughlin were introduced with around 15 minutes remaining. As it happened, 'Magnum' had an immediate impact on the game as Carshalton equalised almost the second the furball rolled onto the pitch. With honours now even going into the last ten minutes, both sides were looking for that final killer blow to gain the three points. With barley four minutes remaining, the unthinkable happened and Carshalton sneaked an off-sided, hand-balled, undeserved winner to snatch all three points from the fortress. Weathering the final purple storm, the game ended and a tearful crowd erupted into applause, knowing that today, the good guys had lost.

So, all had been decided on the opening day of the season. The heroic efforts from the boys in purple had gone unrewarded. However, the Hill did have one winner today. Jack Newton emerged from the showers with toes that Richard Keys would be jealous of!

Old Stationers 1 Winchmore Hill 3
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 28 September
Report from Neil Hurst
Goals: 0-1 Hurst, 0-2 Hurst (Nathan), 1-2, 1-3 Hurst 

Old Stationers away evokes many memories - knee deep in mud before a single autumn leaf has touched the ground and getting changed in the car park to name but two. However, new season, new ground, and rather than the boggy swamp that we have all become accustomed to over the years, we were greeted with the sight of a burnt out Ford Cortina, broken glass and that unmistakable scent of smouldering rubber. Jim Witherington was unavailable for comment.

The first tactical masterstroke of the week occurred at 5pm the previous Saturday, when after the 9-goal "Mauling at the Paulin", coach Andy Russell instructed new recruit Scott 'Daz Doorstep Challenge' Theobald to wash the kit. Seven days on and the sacred purple shirts hadn't seen the light of day, let alone a washing machine and the awful stench may have been the reason for the amount of time and space our hosts allowed us when things got underway.

After a scrappy opening, Hill soon settled into their stride with Martin Gleave and Mark Gower pulling the strings in the engine room. Before long the pressure told when Jack 'Pascal Cygan' Newton found space on the right hand side and his centre allowed Gleave to set up Neil Hurst for a left-footed opener.

Minutes later we were indebted to new signing Kieron Hutchings, who pulled off an outstanding save in a one-on-one with the Old Stationers striker. Hill pressed forward in search of a second with Dave Allen and Danny Taito (doesn't he play for Man City?) combining well down the right on several occasions and despite some excellent interplay between Newton and Michael Nathan, the Old Boys remained resolute.

Hill came out firing after the interval and a sweeping move involving Gleave and Gower found Taito in acres of space and his pinpoint cross was met at the far post by Hurst whose header found the net via Nathan's goatee.

With the points now seemingly in the bag and Allen, Theobald, Ben Chatters and Mark Godsalve looking assured at the back, the mighty purple headed warriors probed for a fitting climax but some careless finishing in the box meant that the hosts were able to keep things neat and tidy. Recently qualified bus driver Nana 'Bowfinger' Kumah came on to shore things up at the back, only to be distracted by a fare-dodging pre-pubescent centre forward who stole in to score with just five minutes remaining.

However, normal service was soon resumed when substitute Ben Penfold's dangermouse cross was headed home by Hurst to complete his hat-trick and give Hill their first points of the season. As Mark 'Chatchy' Gower was later to remark:

"These days are ours - Oh happy days!" 

Winchmore Hill 5 Lloyds TS Bank 0
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 5 October
Report from Neil Hurst
Goals: Nathan 1-0; Hurst 2-0; Nathan 3-0; Hurst 4-0; Gower 5-0.

After the previous weeks kit debacle, Winchmore Hill took to the field this week positively gleaming and looking like league leaders - by 5pm and five goals later, we were. 

Scott Theobald's Super de luxe Spin Dry and Press more than made up for last week's shambles and was just the tonic the team needed, although spare a thought for Mark Godsalve, who after accepting this week's kit cleaning duties will feel like a bicycle riding chimpanzee who had to follow The Beatles on stage.

Two changes were made to the starting line up, Ben 'Desmond' Penfold came into the side for his full debut, while Ben Willis returned from Mauritius looking lean and mean despite his new 'Lemon Squeeze' hairdo.

The hosts went in front inside fifteen minutes when Jack 'We are all made of stars' Newton set Neil Hurst free down the left. His centre was struck sweetly by Martin Gleave, drawing a fine save from the Bank keeper, but Michael Nathan was on hand to finish the rebound. Moments later Hill doubled their lead when Nathan's excellent cross was headed in off the post by Hurst.

Wave upon wave of attacks then ensued and Willis was unlucky to see his powerful header hit the underside of the bar, but just before the break the match was effectively over as a contest when Nathan finished off a sublime passing move involving Allen, Penfold and Newton.

The Hill started brightly after the interval, mixing patient build up play with crisp, neat passing in the final third and before long the now constant pressure told when Hurst and Nathan combined well to give Hurst his second of the match.

At the back we remained relatively unperturbed and Barry 'Del Boy' Chatters even found time to flog a couple of pairs of boots to passer by. Bazza set up BC Footwear Ltd. in Sunderland two years ago when he was tired of life working as a shipbuilder by day and rent boy by night and the now blossoming company prides itself on high service levels and unrivalled low pricing. Call Freephone 1-800 CHATTERS for a free pedicure and foot consultation. Restrictions apply.

After a brief scare when Kieron Hutchings saved superbly from a breakaway, Lloyds attack, came the moment of the match. Skipper Godsalve's cross was only half cleared by a now ailing Bank defence and Mark Gower was on hand to smash the ball into the top corner from 20 years for his first goal for the Club. The excitement that followed can only have been matched by the Just 17 Will and Gareth competition winners.

The five goal margin could so easily have been more, such was Hill's superiority and if this kind of form continues, exciting times lie ahead.

Southbank Cuaco 0 Winchmore Hill 2
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 12 October
Report from Neil Hurst
Goals: Newton 0-1; Hurst 0-2.

The Light Bar in Shoreditch became the 1st XIs adopted Clubhouse on Saturday night as the sambucca fuelled league leaders toasted another victory on the road this year. By 2 am, Barry Chatters had done more hugging than Liz Hurley's corset while a few (unnamed) others were randier than Sven Goran Eriksson on Viagara.

Skipper Mark Godsalve's first task of the day was to translate the directions of how to get to the ground from English to Urdu and then Portuguese for our lyrically challenged United Nations cab driver. Having arrived safely, the Hill set about their task with conspicuous verve and soon had the opposition bruised and bloodied on the floor after their centre half clashed with Jack 'La Motta' Newton. Returning to the pitch bandaged up after the most talked about gash since Kelly Brook (in the side of her skirt), the hapless defender was soon seeing stars again as Michael Nathan, Martin Gleave and Neil Hurst all threatened to break the deadlock.

'Del Boy' Chatters bundled the ball into the net on fifteen minutes only to be penalised for pushing (although it looked more like hugging) and he confessed that he hadn't been as disappointed since his girlfriend told him she was a vegetarian. Moments later though, the Hill took the lead when Dave Allen's excellent work down the right gave Nathan the space to shoot, and although his shot was blocked, Newton was on hand to force in the rebound.

The Hill continued to threaten with Mark Gower and Martin Gleave working tirelessly in midfield and goalkeeper Kieren Hutchings was needed about as much as a signed Rio Ferdinand shirt in the Bill Bremner Bar and Grill.

Ten minutes into the second half the Hill were given the chance to sew up the game when they were awarded a penalty for handball. However, Hurst's spot-kick was saved by the home keeper and after replacing the enormous divot he left behind, was duly fined for his misdemeanor.

Despite this setback, the visitors retained their composure despite some awful refereeing decisions and much credit must go to the back four of Chatters, Godsalve, Ben Willis and debutant George Wainwright, who were outstanding throughout.

With fifteen minutes remaining, Hurst partially redeemed himself when he headed home Nathan's cross to take the points and consolidate our position at the top of the table. Manager Andy Russell wore a beaming smile on Saturday evening, but whether this was down to our victory or the fact that his wife is not a veggie, only he knows!

Old Vaughanians 0 Winchmore Hill 4
AFA Senior Cup
Saturday 26 October
Report from Neil Hurst
Goals: Nathan 0-1; Newton 0-2; Hurst 0-3; Hurst 0-4.

The 1st XI travelled to Kempton Park on Saturday but it was our opponents who weren't at the races as the Hill romped home to win at a canter by four furlongs. After heavy overnight rain we were expecting a pitch wetter than the front row seats at a Westlife concert, but to our delight, the firm surface was conducive to our passing game and it took just two minutes for Barry Chatters' exquisite through ball to find Michael 'Hooters' Nathan who beat the offside trap and duly gave us the lead.

The hosts, thus far unbeaten in their own league, responded well and the Hill were indebted to both Ben Willis and Chatters, whose formidable partnership grows in stature each week. Either side of them, full backs George 'Castaway' Wainwright and Mark Godsalve were equally impressive.

After half an hour, teacher Jack Newton taught the opposition a lesson when he headed home Willis' knockdown to give us the kind of lead that the Washington State Police Department could have done with three weeks ago.

Again the hosts rallied, but Kieren Hutchings remained relatively untroubled in goal and was in completer command in the Box(ter). After weathering the inevitable storm early in the second half, Hill began to re-impose themselves on the game with Ben Penfold and Martin Gleave threatening from midfield and were rewarded on the hour when Neil Hurst sold his man a dummy and shot through a crowd of defenders to make it 3-0.

Moments later, our path into the next round was confirmed when Mark Gower's imagination sent Hurst through and although the keeper got there first, his embarrassing 'air shot' can only have been due to the intense glare off Newton's cue ball head and Hurst was able to walk in the fourth.

With no after match refreshments provided we opted for a local pub full of inbred hicks (no offence Macca), race goers and Combat 18 members which explains our ex-Old Lats trio (Gower, Theobald and Wainwright) decision to flee to the more benevolent surroundings of N21 where they assure us they feel more at home mixing it with our unique blend of Kurdish nomads, teenage mums and football hooligans.

The day was capped off when news filtered through that ex-Hill cricketer James Mote had scored the winning sudden death penalty for Old Stationers 1s to send Norsemen out of the Cup. Short of sipping Crystal Champagne out of Kylie Minogue's belly button, it just doesn't get any better than that!

Winchmore Hill 9 Cardinal Manning Old Boys 0
AFA Middlesex Senior Cup
Saturday 2 November
Report from Neil Hurst

To say that Cardinal Manning OB came off worst in this Middlesex Cup 1st Round Tie would be a bit like saying that Nick Leeson lost the odd couple of quid at Barings, that Tiger Woods is a decent golfer and that Alex McLaughlin has the odd hair on his chest. It was the kind of beating usually administered by the LAPD.

Having scored just 24 goals in total last season, the 1st XI's tally for this term reached 27 in just 6 games. The 9-0 scoreline was every bit as one-sided as it sounds, as the opposition capitulated like a guest at Barrymore's pool party.

Winchmore Hill went in front inside 5 minutes when Neil Hurst met Martin Gleave's mazy run and cross at the far post. Minutes later Hurst double the lead with a fine individual goal before Michael Nathan made it 3-0 after good work from Jack 'Massimo Maccarone' Newton.

After half an hour, Hurst completed his hat-trick with another solo effort as the Old Boys defence struggled to cope with the slick passing and movement of the hosts. With the opposition getting caught in possession more often than a Yardie crack dealer, the Hill continued to dominate with Nathan having his sublime finish ruled our for offside and Hurst's header striking the bar, but at half time the Kop end of the ground ere singing in unison after a superb half.

Moments after the break, the irrepressible Nathan then scored twice in quick succession after some delightful interplay involving our MG engine room (Martin Gleave and Mark Gower). With the game now in the bag, the Hill piled forward in search of a grandstand finish and before long the impressive Ben Penfold opened his 1st XI account with a smart finish to make it 7-0.

Feeling left out, despite leading the line superbly, Jack Newton was keener to score than John Leslie on heat and his frustration heightened with ten minutes remaining when skipper Mark Godsalve, pondering a declaration, delivered the coup de grace when his sumptuous 25 yard strike nestled into the top corner.

However, with seconds remaining, Maccarone got the goal he deserved with a fine strike. The 9-0 victory was made all the sweeter by keeping a fourth consecutive clean sheet, with Hutchings, Willis, Chatters, Wainwright and the returning Kumah all putting in faultless displays.

We later joined the 3s in 'On Broadway' for a game of 'let's drink as much a possible' which proved to be a far closer contest! Confidence in the camp is high, but you win nothing in October and November (ask Mr. Wenger). Nonetheless, if our form remains intact, the league and cups are realistic targets.

Old Parkonians 0 Winchmore Hill 1 
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 9 November
Report from Neil Hurst

Every great journey begins with a single step and as confidence and momentum grow, so too does the expectation with it.  From being pre-season no-hopers, Andy Russell's side have seemingly transformed into genuine championship challengers in the space of just seven games.  Not even the gaffer's Barclaycard Manager of the Month award for October proved to be the kiss of death as the 1st XI left Barkingside on Saturday with all three points after a hard fought win over a tough Old Parks' side.

An early arrival gave us the opportunity to watch a local netball match and while Spearmint Rhino won't be dishing out any job offers, it got the blood pumping in the Purple Warriors before what would be our sternest test yet this season.

Despite 3-4 injury concerns, the team was unchanged for a third consecutive week (something I was never close to saying once last year) and our 4,500 travelling supporters were soon out of their seats when Ben 'Boyband' Penfold rose unchallenged in the area to head home George Wainwright's inch perfect cross to put us 'One Love' up to leave the hosts feeling 'Blue'.

However unlike in recent weeks we failed to build on a good start and before long the hosts looked the more likely team to score.  As the pressure mounted our normally slick passing was replaced with the kind of accuracy usually associated with a drunk in a pub urinal but for all their possession Parks' failed to ask any serious questions of the assured Kieren Hutchings in the Winchmore goal.

At half time we had a 'mother-in-law' lead (i.e. we were up there but we knew we shouldn't have been) and it was clear that things would have to improve in order to stay in front.  After a quick reminder that we were in fact playing in purple, the Hill came out after the break in search of a winner and after weathering the expected early onslaught, it was the visitors who carved out the better chances.  On the hour the tireless Martin Gleave went close after being put through by Mark Gower and its clear that New Order and John Barnes had Elfie in mind when they sang 'Express yourself, its one on one' after his latest effort.

Minutes later saw the welcome return of Shane 'Bergkamp' Foley who within minutes of being on the field had displayed all the hallmarks of his Dutch mentor (sublime control, incisive passing and a yellow card for stamping)

Indeed it was Foley whose backheel opened up the hosts defence with ten minutes left only for Neil Hurst to see his shot well saved by the keeper with the goal at his mercy.  However Hill remained resolute and with Ben Willis and Barry Chaters outstanding throughout, Kieren Hutchings now has more clean sheets than a devout Catholic schoolgirl.

The 1-0 victory was a bit like ex-Madam Speaker Betty Boothroyd - not very pretty to look at but of inestimable value and keeps our 100% away record intact.  Next week sees another away trip, this time to Brentham in the AFA Senior Cup and while it would be good to build some impetus in the league, the fact we are still chasing three trophies speaks volumes for our continuing improvement.

Brentham 1 Winchmore Hill 8
AFA Senior Cup
Saturday 16 November
Report from Neil Hurst

After a week that saw more drop outs than on the streets of Kings Cross, the1st XI travelled to Brentham for Saturday's AFA Cup tie with a bare XI hoping to extend our winning run.  With Jack Newton, Shane Foley and Neil Hurst fast becoming the Hill's answer to Duncan Ferguson, Darren Anderton and Steven Gerrard, Andy Russell was forced to shuffle his pack which saw Spencer Gamsby make a 1st team return and Mark Jones make a competitive debut.

Both excelled on a day when Brentham were given the sort of caning that you would normally only get for either downing a bottle of whisky in one in the middle of a Tehran street market or for urinating into a test tube during a GCSE chemistry practical exam.

Once again we were out of the blocks quicker than Ben Johnson in Seoul as Michael Nathan sprinted clear to give us an early lead.  The hosts soon hit back though when Ben Willis was dispossessed attempting a third Cruyff turn in his own box to allow Brentham to level the scores. However this sparked the Hill into life and rather like our journey to the ground, it was one-way traffic from them on.

Martin Gleave, who so far this season has had more trouble with his finishing than Gareth Gates has with a sentence looked to have broken his duck only to be denied by the linesman's flag but was on hand moments later to slot home Ben Penfold's pinpoint cross.  Minutes later Gleave returned the compliment with a defence splitting cross-field pass which Penfold finished superbly.

Two further goals from the flame-haired assassin Gamsby gave us a 5-1 half time lead and prompted the comedy moment of the match when the host's Anglo-French central defensive pairing (who bore remarkable resemblances to Scrapper and Fabien de Guisson of The Sun's 'Striker') lost the plot with each other.

'Scrapper', who clearly wasn't the brightest light in the harbour did nothing to help EU relations when he intelligently threatened to kick de Guisson's elegantly coiffeured head in.  Indeed by the end of play there were more balls in his team's net than there were syllables in his vernacular.

The second half continued in much the same vein as the relentless Hill were driven on by the industry and finesse of Mark Gower and Martin Gleave and deservedly extended their lead through another Michael Nathan goal.  Despite a poor playing surface, each player was keen to keep their Carling Opta rating sky-high and with twenty minutes remaining Ben Willis made amends for his earlier error when his lung-busting 70 yard Jonah Lomu style run resulted in him being illegally bundled over just short of the try-line.

Nathan coolly slotted home the spot-kick to complete a classy hat-trick and before long the Hill made it eight when Mark Jones capped an excellent display with a superb volley.

At the other end Kieren Hutchings had completed  'War and Peace' and William Shakespeare's 'Complete Works' but still found time in between soliloquies to pull off two breathtaking saves that added insult to the slings and arrows of Brentham's outrageous fortune.

League winners?  AFA Cup Winners? Middlesex Cup winners?

"To be or not to be, that is the question!"

Winchmore Hill 3 Old Owens 1
(after extra time. Score at 90 minutes 1-1)
AFA Middlesex Cup
Saturday 30 November
Report from Neil Hurst

"Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain" was the message from Guns n' Roses about a decade ago and after last weeks deluge had put paid to this much anticipated encounter, Take Two of this Middlesex Cup tie was worth the wait.

The extra week meant that ground improvements to the Upper West stand were completed in time as a sell-out crowd looked forward to a clash between the in-form Hill and last season's SAL champions, Old Owens.

The visitors made by far the better start and knocked it around in pinball fashion as the Hill midfield chased each others tails for the opening twenty minutes, however against the run of play, Neil Hurst's teasing cross was headed in by Jack Newton to give the Ribena berries a 1-0 advantage.

Undeterred, the visitors continued to dominate but for all their pressure Owens were unable to fashion any real chances as the Hill back five stood firm.  Moments before the break however, the hosts were punished for their continued inability to retain possession when Owens hit us on the break and Barry Chaters gave away a penalty that was as dubious as the decision to stage Miss World in Nigeria.  The spotkick was duly converted and the Hill, now rocking against the ropes, were glad to hear the half-time whistle.

Andy Russell's teamtalk, like the forensic team on the Fred West case, left no stone unturned and the Hill knew that our performance would need to greatly improve if we were to remain in the competition.  The second half was played at a frenetic pace with the hosts coming more to the fore, but only excellent handling from Kieren Hutchings and first class defending from Ben Willis and Chaters kept us in contention.  Shane Foley replaced Newton as legs began to tire  and Michael Nathan had a golden opportunity to settle the match only to see his effort well saved.

Minutes later Hurst hit the bar with a stinging drive from all of 25 yards out but still nothing could separate the teams and the match went into extra-time.  In the opening moments Foley had a gilt-edged chance to win the tie but somehow hit the post when it seemed easier to score but he was later to atone for his error in stunning fashion.

Owens pressed forward in search of a dramatic winner but time and again found the outstanding defensive triumvirate of Chaters, Willis and Hutchings too much to break down.  With ten minutes remaining Winchmore Hill's persistence was finally rewarded when Ben Penfold rose unmarked in the area to head home Mark Gower's excellent cross.  Moments later Foley sealed the match with a magnificent individual goal that sent the crowd into mass hysteria.  The magic of the cup summed up in one moment of brilliance as the visitors end of the ground fell into the sort of silence last seen at a Trappist monk's funeral.

To Owens credit they played some outstanding football and a turnaround in results for them is surely a matter of when, not if.  The Hill however marches on, having claimed our biggest scalp of the season yet.  It is a game that we would undoubtedly have lost last year and despite this not being our most fluent display of the season, perhaps the most pleasing aspect was the new found resilience that has been instilled in the side this year.

Next week see us in more cup action, this time we travel to play HAC and Andy Russell will be hoping that injuries to Foley (knee), Hurst (knee), Hutchings (shin) and Gower (burnt mouth from sambuca incident) heal in time for then.

Honourable Artillery Company 1 Winchmore Hill 4
AFA Senior Cup
Saturday 6 December
Report from Neil Hurst

With the impending threat of war in the Middle East one can only hope that the Honourable Artillery Company are better at their day jobs than they are at football.  Someone had clearly forgotten to load the guns and switch on the radars as HAC, toothless in attack and spineless in defence were easily swept aside by Winchmore Hill, who progressed into the last 16 of the AFA Senior Cup.

Two changes were made to the starting line up, which meant welcome returns for Shane Foley and Nana Kumah who replaced the injured Neil Hurst and Ben Penfold, who was rested.

On a bitterly cold day, Hill lit up a dreary afternoon with an excellent first half display which saw them lead 3-0 at the break.

Winchmore's supremacy was typified by Martin Gleave and Mark Gower who hustled and harried throughout, never giving the hosts a chance to settle into any kind of rhythm and it was Gower's interception that created the opening goal when Jack Newton turned in Michael Nathan's cross to notch his sixth of the season.

Moments later Wing Commander Foley got in behind enemy lines and latched onto Kieren Hutchings' defence splitting pass to double the lead.  Within half an hour the tie was effectively over as a contest when Nathan volleyed home Foley's incisive cross.

HAC, current leaders of the AFC Premier League were visibly shocked at the ease with which Hill raced into a three goal lead.  Their body language was so poor that there were more hands on head than in a classroom of infants playing "Simon Says".

Early in the second half the hosts pulled one back, but any thoughts of an unlikely comeback were soon dispelled when the Hill scored a fourth with the move of the match. Nana Kumah's marauding run down the right set up Ben Penfold whose astute finish gave him his fifth goal in as many games. With forty three goals in total this season (including four players with five or more) and a defensive unit tighter than a Jewish accountant, the figures are more impressive than the Sun's Page Three Idol competition.

Although still early in the season, Saturday's win gave us our ninth win on the bounce and although the league remains the priority, silverware of any kind is long overdue at the Paulin, where the trophy cabinet is as empty as the one in the offices of the Kazakhstan Olympic committee.

And so back to league action now.  It has been over a month since our last SAL game where the gap is six points (with four games in hand).  Like a Romanian shot putters bikini line, that will need to be trimmed – starting this Saturday at home to Old Stationers.  

Winchmore Hill 2 Old Stationers 0
Southern Amateur League Division Two
Saturday 14 December
Report from Neil Hurst

Picture the scene.  A happy and contented Andy Russell smiling broadly from ear to ear.  Jack Newton and Shane Foley embracing each other like brothers. Michael Nathan, Mark Gower, Kieren Hutchings and Neil Hurst dancing in delight.  However, this wasn't the home dressing room at 4pm but Charlie's Pizza House some six hours later.  Last year a team social you would have needed name badges to remember everyone’s name - this year the Hill are all singing from the same song sheet and the difference in results proves it.

The Winchmore bandwagon rolls on, gathering momentum each week and Saturday's hard fought 2-0 win over Old Stationers gave us a Perfect 10 wins in a row and closed the gap at to three points with four games in hand.  By this Saturday evening we could be standing prouder than a honeymooner's wedding tackle at the top of the table.

Like any good bus driver, Nana Kumah was late for the match, his twin brother, however, arrived in time to take up his position at the heart of the opposition defence.  When Nana eventually arrived it looked as though Bowfinger 2 was being filmed as the two look-alikes argued over whose turn it was to sleep in the top bunk that night.

After a scrappy opening twenty minutes, the Hill went ahead when Hurst controlled on his chest and evaded his marker before chipping the keeper with Ronaldinho-esque precision from 25 yards out.  Suggestions that the shot was actually a cross are strongly refuted by the aforementioned player whose lawyer is watching closely for any possible 'fluke' accusations.

Moments later Hill were gift-wrapped an early Christmas present.  After good work from Martin Gleave, the ever alert Ben 'Beattie for England' Penfold, taking time off from the Popstars II auditions, dispossessed a Stationers defender and coolly slotted him the hosts' second.

To Old Stationers credit they responded well in the second period and showed the kind of form that has already seen them defeat Norseman this season (that one's for you Case [Gary] as I know you read these).  However, once again George 'Castaway' Wainwright, Barry 'Cruyff' Chaters, Ben 'The Rock' Willis and Mark 'The Grinch' Godsalve stood firm and behind them Kieren Hutchings was looking every bit the solution to Sven's goalkeeping dilemma.

As the season reaches a pivotal stage it is refreshing to be able to report that we remain on course for both promotion and cup success but the players know the hard work is still to come.  January's transfer window gives Andy Russell the chance to add to his squad and there are rumours that Paul Gascoigne has been looking at houses in the N21 area.  He may not get into the side but at least Mark Gower won't be the only one in the squad with a drink problem.

Lloyds TS Bank 2 Winchmore Hill 2
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 21 December
Report from Neil Hurst

It was a day for the Dark Horses as Lloyds TSB lived up to their nickname and held the Hill to a 2-2 draw.  An extremely frustrating day for Winchmore whose performance, like Daniella Westbrook's nose, lacked any shape or structure.  Jack Newton returned to the side in place of Elfie, who presumably had gone to Lapland to help Santa with his seasonal duties.

On the host’s new ground, owned by Kent County Cricket Club, skipper Mark Godsalve won the toss and elected to field on a pitch that was wetter than an otters pocket and his decision seemed to be vindicated early on when Michael Nathan capitalised on some ordinary defending to give the visitors the lead.  A repeat of this season's 5-0 home drubbing seemed on the cards when moments later Neil Hurst tore down the left and crossed for Ben Penfold, however his effort sailed over the bar after appearing to hit one of the cracks on the wicket and with it the complexion of the game changed.

Spurred on by some unusually slack defending the hosts soon levelled when a long ball caught both defence and goalkeeper napping and allowed Lloyds to draw level.  After some stern words at half time, Winchmore set about trying to claim the three points that would have seen us return to the league's summit, however the hosts were far more resilient than in September and nearly snatched the lead themselves but for an excellent point blank save from Kieren Hutchings.

Midway through the half, however, Hill regained the lead when Hurst seized onto a loose ball and went on a mazy run spanning half the length of the pitch.  With three defenders beaten and the area in sight the Bank defence inexplicably failed to put in a real challenge as Hurst waltzed through and coolly slotted home into the bottom corner to the delight of the 7,500 travelling fans.

From here you could have thought there could only be one winner, but like Mystic Kevin Keegan's prediction on England v Romania in France '98, the so-called experts were again proved wrong as Lloyds, ignoring inflation and the current economic downturn and assisted by some early Christmas benevolence from the Hill, levelled the match at two apiece.

The last ten minutes saw Winchmore Hill throw men forward in a desperate attempt for a winner and both Newton and Gower went close, however the visitors frustration was summed up when with just seconds remaining, Penfold's sweetly struck shot hit the underside of the bar and bounced to safety.

The dressing room afterwards said it all and as we made our way home on the train reflecting on two points dropped, our misery was compounded when we stumbled across one of David Icke's foot soldiers who decided to open a debate on 'What was the most important thing in the world'.  After presenting the case for 'Love', 'War', 'Oil' and 'Democracy' it was left to our very own cultural attaché Barry Chaters to respond on behalf of the Hill but our Man of God seemed both unimpressed and a little bemused that winning the league was our choice.

Despite the disappointing result the half term report makes pleasant reading (Pld 12, W 10, D 1, L 1) and each of the boys is hoping that Santa brings them their requested gifts for Christmas (see below):

Kieren Hutchings - sombrero to match his bandit golf handicap
George Wainwright - Gillette Sensor Excel grooming kit
Nana Kumah - London A-Z
Ben Willis - mobile phone
Barry Chaters - lunch with Johan Cruyff
Mark Godsalve - a right foot
Martin Gleave - more goals than Andy Varley
Mark Gower – year’s subscription to Razzle
Shane Foley - a new knee
Ben Penfold - a recording contract
Neil Hurst - likewise
Michael Nathan - some food
Jack Newton - Regaine for men
Andy Russell - more clean sheets, more bends in runs and promotion!  

Winchmore Hill 1 Weirside Rangers 0
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 4 January
Report from Neil Hurst

The 1st XI leapt three places to the top of the table on Saturday after a scrappy 1-0 home victory against Weirside Rangers.  Football and clichés go together like strawberries and cream, Starsky and Hutch or Neil Morissey and Amanda Holden but at the end of the day it was a game of two halves and it’s the sign of a good team to play poorly and win.

The performance of the day was undoubtedly that of the groundsman, who remarkably managed to produce a pitch at all after the week’s incessant rain. Another week without a league fixture would have been extremely frustrating and the fact that we were able to steal a march on our rivals by playing (and winning) may prove vital when the season reaches its climax.

Almost inevitably, Winchmore started with intent and Michael Nathan had a superb chance in the opening minutes, which was well saved by the keeper. Hill continued to dominate for much of the first half but lacked the cutting edge of previous games and despite creating 3 or 4 good chances the scores were level at the interval.  This was made all the more surprising by the fact that Jack 'Pampers' Newton seems to enjoy the wet conditions of late, although it is not yet certain whether repairs to the centre pitch or to Kieren Hutchings' carpet are more expensive.

The second half was a scrappy affair with the visitors growing in confidence as the Hill failed to pass the ball fluently on a now heavy playing surface and the festive over indulgences were now beginning to play a part.

However, with 25 minutes remaining an otherwise dour game was illuminated by a moment of genius when Martin Gleave's mis-hit corner was firstly missed altogether by Water baby Newton and then half shinned/half toe punted into the bottom corner by Ben Willis.  Moments later Hill thought the points were sealed only for Neil Hurst's header to be ruled out for offside.

Weirside threw men forward in a desperate attempt to salvage a point but not for the first time this season, the home defence stood firm making Scrooge and Fagin seem more like the Sultan of Brunei and Mohammed Al Fayed.  With minutes remaining Rangers should have equalised only to see Hutchings tip a goal bound header onto the bar that seemed to break Weirside's heart.

The final whistle brought Winchmore similar relief and while we were not top of the tree at Christmas, the New Year sees the Hill top by a point with 2 games in hand.

Finally apologies to Mark Gower who has been cruelly ridiculed by the boys for leaving Jack's birthday bash early the other week.  We now know that our very own Adam and his lovely Eve had more pressing priorities at hand and all of your team-mates look forward to wetting the baby's head in due course - on second thoughts, better not ask Jack - he might get the wrong idea.  

Southbank Cuaco 2 Winchmore Hill 3
AFA Senior Cup
Saturday 11 January
Report from Neil Hurst

A combination of an illiterate cab driver and some roadwork’s meant that finding the South Bank Cuaco ground on Saturday was a bit like finding a woman's G-spot.  Everyone was aware it exists and most knew roughly where it is meant to be but it took a Hell of a lot of fiddling about before finally stumbling across it.

Little did we know that when they sang "Always take the weather with you, everywhere you go", Crowded House had Winchmore Hill 1st XI in mind and we certainly witnessed 'Four Seasons in One Day' as we had to contend with the elements in our quest for the 'Recurring Dream' that is the AFA Senior Cup.

The pitch was a bit like a Dominoes pizza - it looked good but was half frozen /half soggy and our task was made all the more difficult when the hosts were awarded a penalty in the opening minutes, a decision as mystifying as EMI's choice not to sign four young Liverpudlians to their label in 1962 and Nasser Hussain's to invite the Aussies to bat on a belter in Brisbane.

Having already succumbed to the Hill on their own turf already this season, SBC were evidently keen to redress the balance and what they may have lacked in skill and finesse they more than made up for in effort and were the better side for much of the half.  Nevertheless, Hill came closest to adjusting the scoreline on the half hour when Neil Hurst's stinging 20-yard drive crashed against the crossbar.

The half-time rollicking received was entirely justified and it was clear that the Hill would have to match the hosts work rate if we were to reach the last eight of the competition.  Ben Penfold, on the for the injured Jack Newton provided the injection of life that was badly needed, combining swashbuckling runs with steely determination and within ten minutes of the restart Penfold brought the scores level when he turned in Mark Godsalve's corner from close range.

From this point the Hill began to dominate with Penfold and George Wainwright working well in tandem down the right while in midfield Martin Gleave and Mark Gower began to stamp their authority on the tie.  With Ben Willis and Barry Chaters now dominating at the back, the hosts were forced into ambitious long range efforts but came close to restoring their lead in spectacular fashion only to be denied by a breathtaking save by SAL No.1 Kieren Hutchings.

Moments later SBC regained the lead with a fine header from a pinpoint right wing cross. However, rather than going for the kill, the hosts seemed content to sit back and defend their slim lead and Hill's front two of Shane Foley and Michael Nathan began to pile the pressure on the home goal.

With five minutes remaining, Penfold's superb run took Hill deep into SBC territory allowing Nathan's pass to find Hurst in space on the left and he made no mistake with a low left footed strike into the bottom corner.  The hosts tried to regroup for the impending extra thirty minutes but now Hill were reading a different script and sensing the hosts dejection, were rewarded with just two minutes left when Foley's exquisite cross for Hurst was turned into his own net by a hapless (and to make things worse, ginger) defender.  The hosts sank to their knees quicker than a Bangkok hooker and for the first time all day the opposition keeper was rendered speechless.

The 3-2 victory and place in the quarter finals was made all the sweeter on hearing news of a 1-1 draw between fellow title contenders Nottsborough and West Wickham which leave the Hill joint top with three games in hand.

After a week of snow, wind and ice the forecast is for Purple Reign, which, hopefully, will last until May.  

Winchmore Hill 5 Crouch End Vampires 0
Southern Amateur League Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 18 January
Report from Neil Hurst

The sight of Hollywood heart-throb Sarah Michelle Gellar dressed in club colours in the 1st XI changing room prior to kick off on Saturday proved to be the catalyst for a superb Hill performance.  'Buffy', as she now likes the boys to call her, was in town visiting close friend and resident film buff Alex McLaughlin and kindly called by to offer some hints and tips on vampire slaying.  Ninety minutes later and without a drop of blood being spilt, Crouch End Vampires made the short journey home having been on the end of the most one-sided beating since Ben Penfold's last trip to Eros.

Hill's sumptuous blend of slick passing and subtle movement together with a dash of garlic were the vital ingredients as the Vampires struggled to come to terms with Winchmore's dominance in the opening exchanges.  Incredibly, the game remained goalless for more than half an hour due to a combination of careless finishing and good goalkeeping but soon enough the Hill exposed the Vampires dislike for crosses when Neil Hurst headed home Michael Nathan's centre.

The 1-0 half-time scoreline, like Kieren 'El Bandito' Hutchings' golf handicap, was rather misleading; such was the home side's dominance. However, the second half gave a far more accurate reflection of events as Hill, seemingly impenetrable at the back and full of purpose and invention going forwards put clear daylight between themselves and Vamps.

The second goal duly arrived when Martin Gleave found space on the right delivering an inviting cross which Neil 'Eidur Gudjohnsson' Hurst gambled heavily on and was rewarded with his second of the match.  Moments later the third arrived when Ben Penfold struck from close range from Mark Godsalve's inswinging corner.

At the other end of the pitch business was very much as usual, with the Ben Willis marshalled defence proving harder to unlock than the latest Nokia phone he's been trying to flog while partner Barry Chaters was showing the sort of composure in possession that any back street drug dealer would have been proud of.  In front of these two, midfield hatchet man Gower was proving to be more impressive in the tackle than Linford Christie as he went on a one-man mission to clatter anything that stood in his path in a display that was surely his most impressive since his 215 vs Australia at Edgbaston in1985.

The fourth goal arrived soon after when the effervescent Shane Foley coolly slotted home Hurst's cross and with just seconds remaining Penfold evaded Baron Greenback one last time to score his second and Hill's fifth of the match.

The resounding 5-0 victory puts Hill top of the division and with two cup quarter finals approaching, things could only have been made better if the aforementioned Miss Gellar had stayed around for a shower afterwards.  

Winchmore Hill 2 Broomfield 0
AFA Middlesex Senior Cup
Saturday 25 January
Report from Neil Hurst

"Its coming home, its coming home, its coming, football's coming home!!!"

However, after 30 months of hurt and Jack Newton's head still gleaming, the Hill exorcised the ghosts of recent seasons and sent bitter rivals Broomfield out of the County Cup.

There is no point denying that there is history between the two sides.  The relationship is rather like that of brothers, albeit the sort of brothers that steal each other's pocket money, cut the brakes on each other's bikes and spike each other's drinks with washing up liquid.  The players greeted one another about as warmly as Saddam Hussein and a UN weapons inspector.

[And to think that it was Winchmore Hill (and Norsemen) who proposed and seconded their application for membership of the SAL all those years ago! – Ed.]

After impressing in training during the week, Hill's new Senegalese import Richmond Diao was fast-tracked into the squad by coach Andy Russell, however the starting line up remained unchanged as Hill looked to extend their unbeaten run to fifteen games.

The first half was played at a frenetic pace as both sides, conscious of the long history of 1-0's in this fixture, pressed for an opening goal.  However with both defences on top, clear goalscoring opportunities were few and far between. Kieren Hutchings made a vital save low to his left on the half hour and moments later Shane Foley was unlucky to see his curling free-kick creep just past the post.

With the sound of Andy Russell's Churchillian speech still ringing in their ears and the sight of Richmond doing his best impression of Soccer AM's 'Eastern European Substitutes' warm up, Winchmore started brightly in the second period.  With 25 minutes remaining the pressure finally told when Barry "Well done Lad!" Chaters headed home Martin Gleave's corner for his first goal of the season.  Chaters goal meant that George "Always bet on black" Wainwright was the only 1st XI player yet to score this season but this was rectified a few hours and several drinks later when our Casanova right back proved he didn't have two left feet with an awesome display of female interaction that would have made Warren Beatty seem more like Julian Clary.

With ten minutes remaining the tie was settled when Ben 'Craig David' Penfold proved to be 'Slicker than your average', finishing off a crisp passing move as if he was 'Born to do it'.

Altogether now:

"But I can see Willis ready for war,
Georgie certain to score,
Newton's piss on the floor
and Winchmore winning.....3 Cups in a year!"

Carshalton 1 Winchmore Hill 4
Southern Amateur League Senior Division Two
Saturday 1 February
Report from Neil Hurst

Revenge, they say, is a dish best served sweet and plentiful and by Saturday evening the Hill were overdosing on a concoction of alcopops, Archers and Aftershock after a comprehensive   4-1 victory that gave them a two point lead at the top of Division 2.

After losing to Carshalton by the odd goal in nine on the opening day of the season, a much changed Winchmore were keen to redress the balance and send a clear message to the chasing pack.  Simon Harrison returned in goal after a year long absence in place of Kieren Hutchings who was at Celtic Manor defending his PGA Welsh Open title.  George 'Tonight, I'm a Rock n' Roll Star' Wainwright passed a late fitness test on a nasty cut to his head, sustained after a night out with fellow Rat Pack members Liam Gallagher, Jay Kay and Ozzy Osbourne, and was able to take his place in a back four that had conceded only three further league goals since the 5-4 reverse in September.

The opening exchanges saw both sides looking to attack and Michael Nathan came close to opening the scoring after latching onto Shane Foley's through ball only to see his lob remarkably bounce over the crossbar.  This just about summed up Nath's luck in front of goal at the moment.  He simply hasn't been able to buy a goal.  If they were on special offer and someone lent him the money, and took him to the correct isle and showed him where they were on the shelf, and put them in the basket, and took the basket to the check-out.......and, well, you get the picture.

Moments later the Hill fell behind when Harrison was beaten by a measured shot from outside the area and with the Carshalton 'keeper in outstanding form, one started to wonder if it was going to be one of those days. However, undeterred the Hill broke quickly and clinically down the flank and Nathan's tireless efforts were eventually rewarded on 35 minutes when he finished at the second attempt after more heroics from the opposition 'keeper. On the stroke of half time Hill went ahead when Neil Hurst's shot crept in at the far post to set up what would be a thrilling second period. 

As expected, the hosts restarted brightly, searching for an instant response, but the Hill's defence remained in control and as the half progressed the visitors, full of energy, passion and invention, laid siege on the home goal. The third and clinching goal duly arrived when Hurst ran onto Martin Gleave's incisive pass and exquisitely chipped the 'keeper from 25 yards to sent the visiting fan (thanks Lockjaw) into mass hysteria.

By now Hill were irrepressible while Carshalton, like a NASA space shuttle, went to pieces.  With five minutes remaining the Ribena berries sealed the points with the move of the match as Nathan, Hurst and Ben Penfold combined to set up Gleave whose rasping drive went in off the post.

With so many memorable moments already this season it would be difficult to single out an individual incident but Saturday's scintillating second half display may just have been the moment this young, well-drilled Hill side came of age.

Winchmore Hill 1 Civil Service 0
AFA Senior Cup Quarter Final
Saturday 8 February
Report from Neil Hurst

They are the questions on everyone’s lips.  Will there be war in Iraq?  Will England play in Zimbabwe?  Will Winchmore Hill do the treble?  After Saturday's 1-0 victory over first division Civil Service in the AFA Senior Cup quarterfinal, Winchmore edged a step closer to the unthinkable.

Injuries and unavailability will mean that in order to achieve this, Andy Russell will have to shuffle his pack more often than Michael Owen in the MGM Grand, but having already fine tuned his squad with readings from Chinese warlord Sun Tzu and adaptations from Roy of the Rovers, the manager clearly likes a challenge.  This week’s task was to eat as many energy boosting jaffa cakes and jelly babies as possible while winning an important cup game and the Hill passed with flying colours, capturing the crystal and doubling their weeks shopping budget to boot.

After last week's vital league win at Carshalton the Hill had their tail up like a bitch on heat at Battersea Dogs Home and immediately took the game to the visitors.  Neil Hurst came closest to opening the scoring on twenty minutes only to see his header creep past the upright.

The Servants responded well and were only denied a goal themselves when Kieren Hutchings made an outstanding save low to his right and as the match developed you felt that the first goal would prove vital.  The deadlock was eventually broken moments before the break when George Wainwright found space on the right and delivered a pinpoint cross that found the Wizard of Oz, Shane Foley, who followed the yellow brick road and headed firmly into the top corner.

At the back Barry Chaters was doing his best impression of Bobby Moore in 1970 using the stolen watch to time his tackles to perfection in as good an individual defensive display as you are likely to see.

After a half-time pep talk and more jaffa cakes, Hill looked to 'totally eclipse' the Servants in the second period with Gower and Gleave (that well known firm of private detectives) driving the hosts on.  However, the visitors remained resolute despite some superb approach play and careless finishing by Hill.  Almost inevitably, Civil began to impose themselves on the game but time and again were foiled by the heroics of Hutchings, Gower and Chaters in particular.

The game ebbed and flowed as legs began to tire and Hurst, Newton and Nathan all had chances to clinch the tie but in true cup fashion, Hill urged on by a capacity crowd, hung onto their lead like Kate Winslet to Leonardo di Caprio's trouser leg.

And so the Purple bandwagon rolls on, gaining momentum each week with two cup semi-finals and a promotion run-in to look ahead to.  With only four contestants left in the AFA Senior Cup house, the excitement is reaching fever pitch.  Up for eviction alongside Hill next are Latymer Old Boys.  Who goes?  

Winchmore Hill 2 Old Hamptonians 1
AFA Middlesex Senior Cup – Semi Final
Saturday 21 February
Report from Martin (Elfie) Gleave

On a perfect day for football at the Paulin Ground, Winchmore Hill faced Old Hamptonians – the prize at stake, a place in the Middlesex County Cup final. Lacking the services of free-scoring Neil Hurst, non-scoring George Wainwright and with Ben ‘Bergkamp’ Penfold only fit for the bench after travelling 24 hours by coach from the French Alps to make the kick off, this was to be a test of the home side’s strength in depth.

Preparations were not ideal. Nana Kumah spoilt every old dears afternoon shopping trip in North London by breaking the lap record for the Number 192 bus to arrive at the club for 2-15pm. Mark Gower, arguably the keenest member in the team, turned up three quarters of an hour late, claiming he just “lost track of time”. Rumours of Saturday morning antenatal classes are unsubstantiated.

The first half was a very tight affair with few goal-scoring opportunities. Old Hamptonians had the lion’s share of possession and it was clear we were up against a good side. However, the crisp passing and movement rarely produced an end product to threaten Kieren Hutching’s goal. As an attacking force Winchmore created few chances, looking most threatening from dead ball situations. Foley and Newton’s willing endeavours up front were getting little change from the visitors defence.

Attacking the clubhouse, the home team set out to take the game to the visitors at the start of the second half. Old Hamptonians had other ideas though and a sustained period of pressure led to the opening goal, the Hill defence split like Beckham’s forehead (Hursty told me to get that in somewhere) for the Hamptonians winger to finish off a fine run with a deflected finish. The Hill were now under the cosh, clinging on against a torrent of attacks. Last ditch defending, poor finishing and sound handling by Hutchings kept us in the game.

Completely against the run of play, Winchmore broke out and through a combination of Foley and Gleave. Newly introduced Penfold found himself one on one with the Hamptonians keeper. Showing no signs of travel fatigue, he coolly slotted home, 1-1. The capacity crowd finally had something to cheer about and the Hill were rejuvenated. The home side started to string a few passes together. The crucial second goal came moments later, and it was a beauty. From a long clearance Michael Nathan, frustrated for most of the game, outstripped the Hamptonians defence, steadied himself and slammed the ball home from a tight angle.

With 15 minutes to go, Hamptonians camped themselves in the Hill half and had numerous chances to take the game to extra-time. Every Winchmore player contributed to the defensive job (even Shane), with the back four proving as dependable as ever. With less than a minute to go the Hamptonians striker made space for himself in the penalty area and fired across goal. As spectators and players looked on and contemplated extra-time, Hutchings dived full length and pulled off a first class save. A mixture of celebration, relief and a hug greeted the final whistle for every player from Geoff Hurst. Old Hamptonians will feel hard done by and were certainly one of the strongest sides we have faced this year. However, as proven once again on Saturday, the Hill have a team ethic and never say die attitude that has been the difference between defeat and victory on more than one occasion this season.

The chairman was immediately on the phone after the game in an attempt to track down Chas & Dave for the cup final song and the squad will be making a trip to Saville Row this week to get measured up for some Purple suits. See you in the final …

Winchmore Hill will play Old Meadonians in the Final on 22 March. Venue - to be announced.  

Winchmore Hill 1 Old Parkonians 0
Southern Amateur League Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 1 March
Report from Martin (Elfie) Gleave

What a difference a week makes. Seven days ago a sun-drenched Paulin Ground was treated to a cup thriller, this Saturday it was back to the weekly grind for league points and the ground – well, it was just drenched. The reverse fixture between these two sides earlier in the season was a hard fought contest, the Hill holding onto an early lead to take all three points. We were expecting more of the same this time round.

As it turned out, the game was about as one-sided as a game of I-Spy with Stevie Wonder. From the first whistle the home side mounted wave upon wave of attacks on the Parkonians goal. The football was slick, the ball being switched quickly from wing to wing and chances were coming thick and fast. You got the feeling that like one of Nana Kumah’s buses, once one goal came then a load more would soon follow. Unfortunately that goal did not come. Michael Nathan missed the first of a plethora (I looked up “shedload” in the Thesaurus) of chances, lobbing over the bar when put through by Jack Newton. 

Conversion practice continued with Foley, Gower and Nathan again matching the unerring accuracy of Jonny Wilkinson. A great move down the right hand side involving fit again George Wainwright, Penfold and Nathan found Gleave with a sight of goal. Normally coolness personified in front of goal, he snapped at his shot and the keeper made a save low to his right. In an action replay 5 minutes later, Penfold spooned over from 8 yards when set up by Nathan. It felt like one of those days. At the other end, Kieren was about as busy as a travel agent offering special deals on city breaks in Baghdad and cricket tours to Zimbabwe. His only save of note followed a snap shot from the Parkonians striker.

A change was enforced at half time. Nana replaced Jack following an injury that is up there with Dave Beasant injuring his foot controlling a mayonnaise jar. Missed by the cameras, meaning someone lost out on a guaranteed £250 from Lisa Riley, Jack was concussed during the warm-up when landing on a ball as he shot with another ball – confused, so am I. He was looking sharp in the first half too. Thankfully, a trip to A & E found he just had a bad case of whiplash.

The second half continued in much the same vein as the first, Kieren literally didn’t have a save to make and Chaters got in a couple of Cruyff turns in his own 6 yard box to keep things interesting. Chances came and chances went – far too many to list in full but here are a few low-lights. A cross shot from Gleave was bundled goal-bounds by a combination of Nathan and Foley only to be hacked off the line by a Parkonians defender. G tried his luck from fully 30 yards, about the same distance the ball ended up both wide and high of the goal. Probably the pick of the bunch though followed a good move culminating in Michael Nathan squaring unselfishly for Gower to strike the ball as only he can – over the bar from 6 yards.

Just when we thought it wasn’t going to be our day Foley held the ball up well, fed Gleave who crossed for Penfold to head home. With 10 minutes to go and Parkonians having barely crossed the half way line in the second half, the game was won. The Hill continued to press for another goal but it wasn’t to be. Clichés were flowing thick and fast after the final whistle – “not playing well and winning”, “three more points on the board”, “the showers are cold again”. The last word went to Andy Russell, a modern day football coach not averse to introducing new training methods. He urged everyone to be at Tuesday’s training session where the cones will be replaced by a barn door for us to try to hit from ten yards.  

Winchmore Hill 4 Latymer Old Boys 0
AFA Senior Cup Semi Final at Old Chigwellians
After Extra Time
Saturday 15 March
Report from Neil Hurst

Football, they say is a drug, an addiction if you like.  Whether it is agony or ecstasy the average man just can't get enough of it.  And if your footballing drug of choice is of the Winchmore Hill variety at the moment, fasten your seatbelts and take note of the health warnings because the next few weeks may just tip you over the edge.

In Oscars week it was perhaps fitting that Saturday's AFA Cup semi-final was every bit the epic everyone expected.  For best performance by a leading male look no further than Ben 'Maximus' Willis for a truly gladiatorial performance at the heart of the Hill defence. Gentle Ben's renaissance this season has been all the more impressive considering he's got more nuts and bolts in him than B&Q.

The accolade of Best Supporting Actor could go to any one of a number of players from either side but for sheer strength of character Shane Foley stands out.  If someone had said before the game that the enigmatic Australian would miss a penalty and Martin Gleave would not only score, but score with his left foot, the men in white coats would surely have been summoned.  Add to that four goals in extra-time including two for Foley and you are still nowhere nearer to unravelling the facts of a pulsating encounter that must have been a terrific spectacle for the neutral observer.

Credit too must go to Latymer Old Boys.  Starved of the services of key players the Old Boys weathered a Winchmore onslaught for much of the first half and buoyed on by such resilience poured forwards in search of a winner themselves in the second period.

Like the patients in the recovery ward of a sex-change clinic there had been a few alterations made to the members of the 1st XI and the difference between Hill's performance in each half was so vast that there are rumours of Eminem's next single being titled "Will the real Winchmore Hill please stand up".

Spurred on by an army of travelling support who had made the short trip to Chigwell, Winchmore, like a lap-dancer in Venus started brightly and promised much.  The Old Boys were indebted to their goalkeeper who made a number of vital saves to deny Foley, Ben Penfold and Neil Hurst.  Before long the pressure told and Hill were awarded a penalty.  However, the normally ice-cool Foley was denied by a smart save and from the rebound Hurst only managed to hit his head on the bar (a trick repeated several times later that evening by many of the players).

Winchmore continued to huff and puff without reward and as the game developed so too did Lats' confidence and they came close to opening the scoring themselves only to be foiled by the post (twice) and some resolute defending.  As tension mounted and with both sets of supporters baying for a winner the teams went toe-to-toe like heavyweight boxers, wearily looking for that decisive last gasp knockout but still the deadlock could not be broken and the tie reached extra-time.

With the promise of top notch champagne for winning the cup and the sight of three survivors from the 1960 AFA Cup winning side on the touchline Hill finally found an extra gear in the additional half an hour and from Hurst's long throw, Ben 'Strength and Honour' Willis twisted and turned like Alberto Tomba on speed before crossing for Nathan to fire home and send the purple masses into hysteria.  Foley then added a brace with two superb individual goals after good work from the tireless Mark Gower and Ben Penfold to put the tie beyond doubt and thus ending Latymer's plucky resistance.

With just seconds remaining Martin Gleave delivered the coup de grace. After some intelligent approach play from substitute Jack Newton, Elfie steadied himself and took aim.  As cars began to swerve for cover on the nearby M11 and the Chigwellian's groundsman searched the Thomson directory for local window glazers the ball flew sweetly into the Latymer net to round off a stunning 4-0 victory.

And so as Hollywood's finest look forward in anticipation to their own Holy Grail, Winchmore's treble dream is still very much alive and kicking with two cup finals and a championship run-in to look forward to.

Finally, in today's modern and politically correct society it would be wrong to overlook the winner of the Best Female category which undoubtedly goes to the Chigwellians tea-girl whose baps were in a world of their own.  

Winchmore Hill 0 Old Meadonians 2
AFA Middlesex Cup Final at Civil Service
Saturday 22 March
Report from Neil Hurst

After six months, twenty matches and 1860 minutes the 1st XIs remarkable unbeaten run came to and end on Saturday and with it the dreams of an historic treble vanished.  It was one of those luckless days when Hill, up against the current AFA Senior Cup holders, could do no right.  Indeed, if one of us had discovered that we'd won a competition for a night out with one of the Corrs, odds on it would have turned out to be Jim, the brother.

The day got off to the worst possible start.  Firstly the coach driver didn't know where Chiswick was and to make matters worse, pages 36-58 of his A-Z were missing which meant eventually getting there via Bermondsey.  On top of that George Wainwright's recent ankle injury meant he missed our tailor's appointment this week and while most of the boys turned up looking 'Savile Row', Georgie looked more like 'Death Row'.

The first half was a scrappy, disjointed affair with neither side creating any clear cut chances due to a combination of a pitch harder than a degree in nuclear physics and a whistle happy referee.  However with half an hour gone Hill were awarded a dubious penalty which clearly angered the hundreds of Meads supporters who had walked five minutes up the road from their own ground (ah the beauty of a neutral venue!).

However the keeper saved Shane Foley’s spot-kick and the teams remained deadlocked at half time.  With little in the way of goalmouth action at either end, the match was as dull as reading the German version of the Financial Times whilst stuck on a tube somewhere underground between Manor House and Turnpike Lane.

The second half will go down as Hill's most disappointing 45 minutes all season.  Meads continued to work hard, giving Winchmore little time and space on the ball whilst looking more of an attacking threat themselves and they deservedly took the lead with 20 minutes remaining with a header from a corner.  Any thoughts of an instant reply were soon forgotten when minutes’ later, slack marking was again punished and the Old Boys doubled their lead to clinch the cup.

A desperately disappointing day for all concerned, particularly the players who let themselves, the manager and the fans down.  However they say the sign of a true champion is not found in winning but in reacting to defeat and with a crucial league double-header versus Old Lyonians this Saturday, there is still much to play for.

Old Lyonians 1 Winchmore Hill 2
SAL Senior Division Two
Saturday 29 March
Report from Neil Hurst

When the gaffer informed the boys at training that we were going to have a double-header this week the minds began to wander.  Did he mean the sort of double-header that costs you 1500 Thai Baht or was this a revolutionary new formation that we were going to try out?

The magic of the cup has captured the hearts and minds of everyone with purple blood this year.  Two cup final appearances mean our league schedule, like a Baghdad boulevard, is barely recognisable from its original layout.

With West Wickham and Nottsborough having gained ground on the Hill in recent weeks Saturday's games versus Old Lyonians really were a six pointer.

After taking a bit of stick in recent weeks, George 'Mickey O'Neil from Snatch' Wainwright declared himself unavailable citing his Nan's 90th birthday as an excuse.  The fact that his tormentor-in-chief's BMW 3 series went missing on the very same afternoon is purely coincidental according to George.  I f***ing hate pikeys!!!

Anyway, back to the action, and after the previous week's Middlesex Cup final heartache Hill started brightly looking to strike an early blow. After intense early pressure the visitors opened the scoring when Neil Hurst fired home after unselfish play from Shane Foley.  Moments later the lead was doubled when Hurst ran onto Ben Willis' sublime through ball before beating his marker and the keeper to notch his second of the match.

At 2-0 the first three points seemed to be in the bag, however, stand-in keeper Danny Barker tainted an otherwise faultless display with a sloppy throw allowing Lyonians to reduce the deficit.  Sensing weakness the hosts rallied and enjoyed their best spell of the match but astute defending, particularly from skipper Mark Godsalve and superb goalkeeping ensured that Winchmore claimed maximum points.

Winchmore Hill 3 Old Lyonians 0
SAL Senior Division Two
Saturday 29 March
Report from Neil Hurst

After a word from the sponsors and a ridiculously lengthy commercial break the teams re-entered the Sudbury Hill Dustbowl for the remaining two quarters of the day.  Hill thought they had added an extra point with a head-volley from Ben Penfold but were denied, as there was a flag on the play.

Normal service was soon resumed though when Jack Newton finished clinically after good work from Hurst and Barry Chaters to give Hill the lead in the second match.  By now the AFA Cup finalists were irrepressible and went further ahead when Penfold finished off a superb move involving Michael Nathan and Danny Gibson.  A third followed swiftly after when 17-year-old debutante Dwayne Jackman capped an impressive display with a fine header.

With only a few minutes remaining Martin Gleave came close to adding a fourth with an ambitious free-kick.  When I say close, please bear in mind that a new UEFA directive states that goals will be 8 metres wide starting in the season 2004/5.  Elfie's effort wouldn't have troubled two or three of these larger goals as it crashed through the trees, sailed over the adjoining rugby pitch and was last spotted somewhere over Basingstoke.  A comedy end to an extremely rewarding day with the six points gained keeping us well on course for the championship.

Winchmore Hill 5 Old Finchleians 0
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Wednesday 2 April
Report from Neil Hurst

Spot the difference.  This time last year the 1st XI had been knocked out of both cups in the first round and were close to completing a miserable season that saw them finish just two places above the relegation zone in Division 2.  Fast forward twelve months and with a third of our league fixtures remaining and the AFA Cup Final looming, the Hill took on Old Finchleians in a period that will see the 1sts play five games in eleven days.

With that in mind Barry Chaters was rested with a tight hammy (surely a Jewish oxymoron?) as Hill looked to close the gap further on their title rivals.  Finchleians started brightly and enjoyed the better of the opening exchanges but soon fell behind after a bizarre passage of play.  Normally I'd leave the film references to the esteemed Mr McLaughlin but this was as close to seeing 'Carry on Football' as you are ever likely to get.  The opening goal was a gem when Neil Hurst's teasing left wing cross was finished superbly on the half-volley by the Finchleians left-back.  Moments later it was two when after a combination of mishits, scuffs, air-shots and deflections, the ball eventually dribbled over the line without hitting the net and Jack Newton emerged from the rubble to take the plaudits.  It was football, but not as we know it.

Two soon became three when Hurst headed home Michael Nathan's superb cross. Whether it was the shock of conceding three quick goals, the balmy spring sunshine or the fact that the referee was wearing a pair of sunglasses last seen on Roy Orbison is still unknown, but at this point Finchleians, like reading one of Macca's match reports, lost the plot.

Martin Gleave, the bantamweight in the purple trunks did well to avoid an enormous haymaker from his opposite number (definitely not a bantamweight), which resulted in the first red card of the evening.  This tally was doubled midway through the second half when another visiting player was dismissed for a horrendous two-footed lunge on Shane Foley.

The remainder of the game was played out at a testimonial pace, as Hill, now with one eye on the AFA Cup Final, went into cruise control but still found time to add another couple of goals through Mark Gower and the hugely impressive Dwayne Jackman.

Gower's strike doubled his tally for the season and rumour has it that should he notch again before the year is out, his unborn child will be named by the Christian name of whoever sets him up.  Lets hope for his and Eve's sake that is not Mr Kumah as Nana Gower sounds like a character from 'Little House on the Prairie'.

Winchmore Hill 1 Bromleian Sports 0
Amateur Football Alliance Senior Cup Final
at Old Owens FC
Saturday 5th April
Report from Neil Hurst

 "Believe in yourself and in your plan.
Say not I cannot, but I can.
The prizes in life we fail to win,
only if we doubt the power within" (Anon)

The writing was on the wall for all to see in the dressing room on Saturday but words count for little unless you give them a meaning.  After a gripping cup final that had everything good, bad, ugly and simply stunning, the 1st XI wrote themselves into the pages of history and now rightfully take their place on the club's legendary 'Wall of Fame'.  After 43 years of hurt, Winchmore Hill are the kings of amateur football.

It has been a truly epic journey that has seen us overcome many obstacles. Thumping wins away at Old Vaughanians, Brentham and HAC before Christmas saw us reach previously unchartererd territory and for those of you that believe in fate, cast your minds back to January 11th this year, a day when Hill, seemingly dead and buried, scored twice in the last five minutes at South Bank Cuaco to keep the cup dream alive.  Further victories over Civil Service and Latymer Old Boys took us to the final, where Bromleian Sports stood between Hill and the Holy Grail of amateur football. 

Everything about the day seemed right.  Gone was the tension and heavy weight of expectation that had so severely hampered our Middlesex Cup final performance.  In its place was an unashamed sense of pride, confidence and belief in one another that have been the features of our season.  The cup wasn't half empty: it was half full.

Bromleians, who beat us twice last season, started with intent, combining tough tackling with assured, concise passing.  Much of the opening fifteen minutes was played in Winchmore's final third, but, as so often has been the case this season, Wainwright, Chaters, Willis and Godsalve were proving to be impenetrable.  Behind them Kieren Hutchings kept things simple, looking calm and unflustered.

Slowly, Hill began to impose themselves on the match, buoyed on by an army of travelling support.  On the flanks Penfold and Hurst took the fight to Bromley while in the middle Gower and Gleave buzzed around, giving the opposition playmaker no time to settle.  After great work from Jack Newton, Shane Foley came close to opening the scoring only to be denied by the 6ft 9in keeper and, moments later, Hurst's well struck free-kick was also kept out.

As the pressure rose the referee struggled to keep any fluency in the game as tackles began to damage and disrupt and with 35 minutes gone, the Bromleians skipper was dismissed for an ugly, knee-high tackle on Mark Gower.  With the momentum now seemingly with the Hill and several players on yellow cards, Andy Russell introduced the pace duo of Michael Nathan and Dwayne Jackman in place of Newton and Gower allowing Foley to drop into midfield.  This tactical switch paid immediate dividends when Foley broke the deadlock on the hour with a stunning strike from all of 25 yards to give Hill a priceless lead.  It was a goal well worthy of the occasion and completely exorcised the ghosts of Foley's Middlesex Cup final penalty miss.

Spurred on by this moment of brilliance, Hill poured forwards in search of a clinching goal and thought they had it when Hurst sent Jackman clean through only for his astute finish to be ruled out by a late flag.  Undeterred, Hill were now enjoying their best spell of the match and Hurst should have settled it only to blast wide after a typically swashbuckling run from the outstanding Penfold.  In midfield, Gleave and Foley reigned supreme and Bromleians frustration eventually boiled over resulting in two further red cards to ruin their day.  The opposition rallied for one final flourish but Hill's defence stood firm and with Hutchings making only one save all match the curtain finally came down on the final amid euphoric scenes of mass jubilation and relief.

The celebrations for players and supporters alike went on long into the night and President Bert Prosser came good on his word of unlimited champagne which meant the cup runneth over.

Quite simply it was a truly memorable day for everyone involved and one that will linger long in the memory (well the bits before 10pm anyway!).  Andy Russell was later seen munching his way through a large doner kebab, which begs the question as to what page of his nutrition manual that is on.  Still its not every day you win the AFA Cup.

Al Davis, infamous owner of the Oakland Raiders is renowned for his catchphrase: "Just win Baby!” and on Saturday, after 43 years, Winchmore Hill did just that.

Crouch End Vampires 1 Winchmore Hill 3
Southern Amateur League Senior Division 2
Tuesday 8 April
Report from Neil Hurst

If you are lucky enough to live in a world where England regularly win major football championships whilst their fans revel in the cultural heritage of the host country, then the chances are that you also live in a world where playing at Crouch End Vampires is as exciting as wrestling with the Minogue sisters in a paddling pool filled with Ben & Jerry's 'New York Super Chocolate Fudge Chunk' ice cream.  With the constant background hum of thousands of cars tearing along the North Circular Road, it is a bit like playing football against the feedback from the speakers at a Metallica concert.

After scaling Everest by winning the AFA Senior Cup on Saturday, a league game against the relegation threatened Vampires ought to have been a walk in the park.  However, when that park is littered with broken glass and dog excrement and the pitch is as pitted as a teenager's face with bad acne, nothing is easy.

To Vamps credit they threw everything at the Hill during the first half as the visitors, still possibly with their minds on the historic cup win, struggled to come to terms with the atrocious conditions.  With half an hour gone, Hill's lackadaisical approach was punished when the hosts went in front.

After some stern words at the interval the AFA Champions (sounds nice doesn't it?) came out all guns blazing knowing that nothing less than three points would suffice.  Within five minutes of the restart the tables had turned quicker than in a bar-room brawl when Michael Nathan ran onto Jack Newton's intelligent flick on and guided the ball past the onrushing keeper.

The goal proved to be the shot in the arm Hill required as the visitors, led by the marauding Nathan, laid siege on the Vampires goal.  The decisive second came with twenty-five minutes remaining in controversial circumstances.  Martin Gleave went down injured as the ball was cleared but with the crowd and some players asking for a free-kick or it to be kicked into touch, Neil Hurst seized onto the loose ball and scored with an audacious lob from fully 30 yards.  Vampires argued, but like trying to convince your girlfriend to let her cute mate join in, it fell on deaf ears. Elfie meanwhile left the field bruised but not battered.

The incident added a bit of spice to the match and the hosts tried desperately to score an equaliser but Hill, led defiantly by Willis and Chaters, stood firm and deservedly clinched the points with five minutes remaining when Newton fired home after good approach play from Penfold and Foley.

Five games in eleven days have taken their toll, but the victory, like Mo Mowlam, was very important if ugly to look at.  Seven games remain and out title aspirations remain very much in our own hands.

Old Finchleians 0 Winchmore Hill 3
Southern Amateur League Senior Section Division Two
Tuesday 15 April
Report from Neil Hurst

Winchmore Hill moved a step closer to clinching promotion to Division One on Tuesday night with a hard fought 3-0 victory over Old Finchleians.  The win means that four points from the last six games will bring top flight football back to The Paulin Ground after seven years.

Hill, fresh from a weekend of rest and recuperation in Wales for Jack Newton's wedding welcomed back Mark Gower who had shaken off a knock (probably received from someone else's girlfriend) and started brightly looking to gain an early advantage.  The hosts struggled to cope as the visitors, a side with more stars than Luke Skywalker's duvet cover, played some slick, eye-catching football.

The deadlock was broken on fifteen minutes when Mark Godsalve's superb corner was expertly headed home by the in-form Ben Penfold.  Moments later the lead was doubled when Shane Foley added another contender to the 'Goal of the Season' competition with an exquisite volley from the edge of the area.  Foley then came close to extending the lead after superb interplay between Wainwright, Gleave and Hurst but his shot flashed just past the upright.

The second half was a heated, scrappy affair with Finchleians pressing hard for some retribution but the imperious Hutchings was rarely troubled as he kept his 15th clean sheet of the season.  With twenty minutes remaining Penfold was bundled over in the box giving Hill a chance to clinch the points but Hurst's spot-kick was well saved by the keeper low to his right. With four misses out of five this season, Hill must be relieved to have captured the AFA Cup without the need for the dreaded penalties.

Minutes later Hurst thought he had atoned for his 12-yard misdemeanour only to see his goal bound effort miraculously cleared off the line.  However, normality soon resumed when a sweeping Hill move resulted in Gleave's delicate through ball being superbly finished off by the irrepressible Penfold.

The hosts plucky resolve was broken, their body language poor, leaving many of the players looking like Jamaican chiropodists ("staring at de feet") but still wasted a chance for a late consolation when a last minute penalty was blazed over the bar.

Another crucial three points secured for Hill who now take on each of their promotion rivals (West Wickham and Nottsborough) twice in eight days in a period that will determine the final whereabouts of the championship crown.  

Winchmore Hill 2 West Wickham 0
Southern Amateur League Senior Division Two
Tuesday 23 April
Report from Neil Hurst

The powers-that-be from the committees of UEFA, SAL, ITV and Sky TV convened late last week to thrash out the details on television schedules and sponsorship for the big midweek games.  Eventually Manchester United vs Real Madrid was shifted to Wednesday evening in order to accommodate a prime time viewing slot for the weeks biggest game; Winchmore Hill vs West Wickham.

Hill entered the match knowing that a win would put them within a point of promotion, top of the league and in the driving seat to claim the second half of what would be an historic league and cup double.  With Ben Penfold and Dwayne Jackman unavailable the recently married Jack Newton managed to curtail his honeymoon to take his place in the starting line up at the glamorous sporting amphitheatre that is Enfield Playing Fields.

As expected the match was a tense, tactical affair with both defences looking assured from the offset.  The hosts however started to look more of an attacking threat and deservedly opened the scoring on the half hour when Neil Hurst ghosted in at the far post to head home Mark Godsalve's corner.

The momentum was now firmly with the Hill and on the stroke of half time the advantage doubled when Michael Nathan rifled in a sublime half-volley from twenty five yards to send the ample home support into hysteria.

As expected, Wickham restarted with intent and enjoyed the lion's share of possession but were never really able to penetrate Hill's steely resolve. As time wore on, so too did the patience of many blue-shirted players although the whistle happy referee did nothing to help the games fluency. Each individual sub-plot across the pitch continued to rage but Wickham's flames continued to be doused by the outstanding Winchmore back five. With twenty minutes remaining the visitors were thrown a lifeline when Barry Chaters was contentiously sent off for deliberate handball but still Wickham couldn't strike back as Kieren Hutchings saved the resulting penalty brilliantly to his left.  The remaining minutes saw more cards for both sides, which eventually saw the game being reduced to ten-a-side, but while fiercely competitive, the match was never really ill tempered.

In the closing moments, Hill broke forward and all eyes fixed on Mark Gower with a clear run at goal. Needless to say the rest of the team 'shaped up' expecting the inevitable and right on cue the Hill midfield General delivered as his shot fizzed viciously clipping the inside of the corner flag and wasting valuable seconds as it nestled in the nearby stingy nettles.  It was later remarked (by that clinical finisher extraordinaire Elfie) that Gower's effort was worse than Geoff Thomas' for England all those years ago.  The team concurred but on reflection was it worse that the aforementioned Mr Gleave's effort at Lyonians a month ago?  Let the e-mail debate begin.

More importantly the points were sealed, setting Hill up nicely for the forthcoming double header at Nottsborough and the return clash with West Wickham, where Hill could be crowned Champions.

Nottsborough 0 Winchmore Hill 0
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 26 April
Report from Neil Hurst

Winchmore Hill returned to the top flight of the SAL on Saturday taking the one point necessary to extinguish any faint hopes that opponents Nottsborough had of promotion themselves.  In doing so Hill became the first side in over twenty years to clinch promotion and win the AFA Cup in the same season.

Barry Chaters turned up to the match sporting a celebrity beard and shades which on first glance looked pretty cool and when defensive partner George Wainwright turned up it soon became evident that the pair of them really did look like celebs - albeit the ageing Irish folk duo Foster and Allen.

The banjo-playing leprechaun twosome have been Hill's 'Lucky Charms' all season and together with Ben Willis, Mark Godsalve and Kieren Hutchings the Hill back five kept another clean sheet in the opening game that so nearly went Hill's way but for a flag on Martin Gleave's late header.  The stalemate was enough for Hill though, with the point taking the visitors to 47 points and out of Nottsborough's reach.

Winchmore Hill 0 Nottsborough 3
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 26 April
Report from Neil Hurst

The second game is better condensed into the bare facts as Hill's seemingly unstoppable momentum was brought to an almighty halt by an impressive Nottsborough display.  A combination of unavailability, injuries and a jaded looking Hill side didn't help although it should be pointed out that the home side played some excellent football that will surely see the Surrey Cup winners join Hill in Division One the season after next.  

West Wickham 2 Winchmore Hill 1
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Tuesday 29 April
Report from Neil Hurst

Next stop Corkscrew Hill in the never-ending story that is Winchmore Hill 1st XI's season.  After last weeks superb 2-0 victory against West Wickham, Hill arrived in Kent knowing that three points would give them the league title.

Frustratingly the visitors were deprived of the services of Mark Gower, Ben Penfold and Dwayne Jackman all of whom have played key roles in Hill's success story so far.  Nevertheless a threadbare Hill took to the field in a new-look 3-5-2 formation hoping to eliminate the hosts from the title race.

The first twenty minutes were a replica of the second Nottsborough game, with Hill a yard off the pace and seemingly lacking any sense of energy or urgency and deservedly fell behind when slack marking from a corner was punished to give the hosts the lead.

However, Hill rallied at last and enjoyed their best spell of the match in the period before half-time and were unlucky not to draw level when Neil Hurst's header crashed against the bar and Ben Willis' 'goal' was ruled out for offside.

Moments after the interval Hill struck back when Hurst released Martin Gleave who made no mistake and coolly slotted home past the advancing keeper. Wickham, knowing a draw would not be good enough responded well as the game threatened to boil over on a number of occasions.  The referee struggled to keep control as both sides probed for what would be a vital second goal.

However, Hill's fairytale ending was put on hold for a few more days when more poor marking from a set-piece gave Wickham a priceless lead.

Hill threw everything at the hosts in the final minutes but for all their huff and puff they couldn't blow the house down and at the final whistle Winchmore left the field bruised, battered and beaten.

It was a disappointing and frustrating result but having lost the battle, the war is still to be won.  The players must regroup for the final two games of an already incredible season knowing that six points will win the league. Having been through so much together already, don't bet against this group of players to come up trumps once again.  

Weirside Rangers 1 Winchmore Hill 3
SAL Senior Section Division 2
Saturday 3 May
Report from Neil Hurst

Hill's players enjoyed a night out on Saturday, reflecting on a job well done and knowing that with one game to play, the title is theirs to win or lose.

Mark Gower signed off for the season with a typically barnstorming performance, combining tough tackling and relentless energy on the pitch with more of the same in the pubs and clubs of Islington's Upper Street. With his moonwalk perfected he was all set to return home early to pack for his pregnant girlfriend for their 3.30am flight to Greece, but come midnight, Cinderella was still at the ball offering the hand of friendship to members of the 'opposition' in a way that would suggest that whilst most of us drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only occasionally gargles.

The day had started badly when Sunderland fanatic Barry Chaters got his wires crossed and thought that Wearside (sic) Rangers played in his beloved North East leaving us "one rider short" and frantically trying to contact Tony the Frosties tiger.

Luckily though, Bazza just made the kick off and Hill took the points with a convincing 3-1 victory that flattered the hosts.  Goalkeeper Kieren Hutchings who did more idle standing around than a celebrity in the jungle exemplified Hill’s dominance.  The deadlock was broken after ten minutes when a sweeping move involving Godsalve, Foley and Gleave put Neil Hurst through on goal and he finished clinically to settle any pre-match nerves. Moments later it was two when George Wainwright's telling cross was firmly headed home by Danny Gibson who was deputising for the injured Ben Penfold.

Hill continued to surge forwards with Newton and Foley both being denied by smart saves and with Hurst's dipping volley hitting the bar, Weirside were relieved to go into the interval just two down.

The second half saw much of the same one way traffic, but incredibly Hill were unable to extend their lead with the Rangers keeper making several more outstanding saves and were then caught by a sucker punch to allow the home side to reduce the deficit.

However, Hill's response was instantaneous when Hurst's mazy dribble was halted by a cumbersome challenge and he composed himself in time to double his tally from the penalty spot and clinch the points.

West Wickham completed their campaign with a victory making the equation simple.  Three points will win the title, anything else will not.  South Bank Cuaco stand between Hill and the double.  With no midweek fixture for the first time in five weeks the soldiers can rest and regroup, the artists can gather their thoughts and sharpen their pencils.  There is one more battle to be won, one more masterpiece to be painted.  

Winchmore Hill 4 South Bank Cuaco 1
SAL Senior Section Division Two
Saturday 10 May
Report from Neil Hurst

Its kind of funny how life can change, can flip 180 in a matter of days. Sometimes life works in mysterious ways, one day you wake up........and you've won the double.  After thirty four games, ninety-seven goals for and eighteen clean sheets the 1st XI's record breaking season is over.

Little could West Wickham have known that when they watched us lose 3-0 at HSBC on the final day of last season to deny them promotion , the same team (granted with 7-8 new faces) would steal the league title from them twelve months on.  There's a lot to be said for having a Scouser and a pikey in your side.

With Arsenal choking on the final lap of their own quest for the double, the streets of North London turned purple on Sunday to greet the newly crowned league champions.  Nana Kumah's recent bridge misjudgement on the 329 bus route meant that we even had an open top bus.  It has been a remarkable turnaround for the club and credit must go to Andy Russell and Bob Gyles whose energy and commitment to the cause gave the team the perfect stage on which to perform.  With an influx of new, young players, the rewards have been instant, spreading right through the club meaning that this should be the start of a new golden era for Winchmore Hill.

Saturday's game against South Bank Cuaco couldn't come soon enough.  All week the players were itching to finish off the season in style, knowing that the league title they so richly deserved was just one more win away. Hill welcomed back Ben Penfold and Dwayne Jackman and it was those two who combined after fifteen minutes to set Shane Foley up to open the scoring. Ten minutes later the lead doubled when Jackman finished clinically after some more superb approach play on a minefield of a pitch.  One hand was on the trophy and were it not for some sloppy finishing the game would have been all over inside half an hour.

The decisive third came early in the second period when Michael Nathan tapped home after yet more superb work from the electric Jackman who at 17 years old looks like a real find for the club.  A visibly more relaxed Hill wasted several more chances to extend their lead before conceding a consolation goal with ten minutes remaining, however there was still time for the champions-elect to end on a high when Jack Newton fired home Neil Hurst's inviting cross.

At the final whistle players and fans (whose support all season has been magnificent) celebrated an outstanding achievement that must rank as arguably the club's finest ever season.  Division One awaits, as do much anticipated local derbies against Norseman.  Having already proved themselves on the bigger stage in the AFA Senior Cup this season, winning the top division of the SAL must be the next target.  For now though its time to bask in the glory of a truly unforgettable season.